Romance and porn: together?

Does anybody remember the Jarics?

They were Falcon’s gay porn wonder-couple who signed an exclusive contract with the studio a couple years back. But in a shocking twist, the contract stated they would fuck only each other on screen, because as we all know, porn and monogamy go together like peanut butter and jelly — in that both start to go bad after a couple months. Things ended (more or less) after a violent outburst between the two; although a cursory Google search would suggest they are, if nothing else, on cordial terms.

Gay pornstars have spotty records when it comes to relationships. Spencer Reed and Phillip Aubrey, another couple who went monogamous with each other on screen, broke up after their own violent outburst. Steven Daigle and Trent Locke? Yup, broke up almost immediately after their scene on Cocksure Men came out.

So what the hell is going on? Is this like how actresses get cheated on immediately after they win Academy Awards? Is it possible for porn and on-screen romance to go hand-in-hand without ending fist-in-face? I would point to Raging Stallion’s Porn Stars in Love, a movie that ingeniously cast real-life porn couples in order to get real chemistry and sexual tension between its stars. I would, but three of the four couples from that movie broke up soon after it was released.

The one couple that is still together is Francesco D’Macho and Damien Crosse. They married in 2009, and together they’ve set up their own skin-biz empire, Stag Homme Studios, an incredibly hot and successful production company. And, as far as I can tell, they’re still happily married and loving and adorable.

Actually, there are other gay porn couples who are perfectly well-adjusted in their loving relationships. A few examples off the top of my head: Austin Wilde and Anthony Romero? Samuel Colt and Chris Porter? All adorably in love. So what gives? Why do some couples flourish in the spotlight while others wilt?

Maybe it’s a matter of separation. Maybe the successful couples set up boundaries between their personal and work lives, which can be hard since porn has a tendency to blur those lines until they’re almost non-existent. With monogamous porn, not only do you paint yourself into a corner artistically, but you create a lack of distinction between the two of you. Or put more simply: you can’t make something fun and meaningless suddenly meaningful.

Are pornstars capable of love and romance? Of course. Is porn itself, a medium meant to simulate one-night stands and booty calls, capable of love and romance? Well, less so. It’s not love, but it’s a feeling at least. And why denigrate this feeling because it’s not the full-blown L-word? Sometimes, it’s good enough to settle for the warm, fuzzy feeling in your pants rather than your heart.

Keep Reading

In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?

“We have a calling, here in this decaying world, and that is to live and to serve life with every precious breath that is gifted to us”

I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 

Kai weighs in on how to have a “scentsitive” conversation with a new date 

Queer and trans families are intentional. They take the shape of what you and your loved ones need most

In the nine-part series Queering Family, Xtra guest editor Stéphanie Verge introduces us to people who are redefining what it means to build and sustain a family

Valentine’s Day gifts for every queer in your life

Shower every love in your life with gifts galore this Valentine's Day