Thursday, Dec 29
In a weekend full of parties at which every guy you meet wants to shove his tongue down your throat at midnight, this is your last chance to sit back, have a drink — or 10 — and watch an amazing drag show. Jane Smoker, Valynne Vile, Lady Gem and Gia Metric take turns hosting each week, and you will not be disappointed. The one constant is the hunkiest DJ in town, DJ Nick Bertossi; he’s not only eye candy but plays awesome sets that beg you to get up and move. Hmm, now where will he be at midnight on New Year’s Eve? Lineup starts behind me, guys.
Doors 10pm, show 11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. Info at junctionpub.com.
Friday, Dec 30
Backdoor & VAL NYE Festival
Matt Troy proves again he isn’t just a pretty face and a smoking hot body; this time he outdoes himself. Where else can you buy a ticket, party your face off, dance in two rooms to ten DJs including the awesome DJ Mumbles, find a date, go home, sleep it off and then turn around the next day and do it all over again? Two incredible days of world-class sound and music by some of the Pacific Northwest’s finest DJs, queens, princesses, freaks and surprises. Wild intimate spaces, crazy art installations and two unforgettable nights as you say goodbye to 2016 and hello to a brand new 2017.
10pm. Dec 30, Backdoor.
12–9pm. Dec 31, Open Decks at VAL.
9pm. Dec 31, Vancouver Art & Leisure NYE.
Vancouver Art and Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets at leisure.events/backdoor-val-nye-festival and at the door. $20 festival ticket includes all events both nights. Complete info at facebook.com/events/1637925173175905/
Wet & Wild
It may be NYE tomorrow night, but this night has the biggest horns to blow, and you know they’re clean as a whistle fresh out of the shower. Once again I’ll volunteer to be towel boy or fluffer; I’m not picky. This night brings you the best in beef entertainment every week. Are you looking to show off what you’ve got? Do you like guys watching you shower? Do you want to make extra cash soaping up or dancing your ass off? It’s a new year, and they like to throw in some new meat, so if you’re interested, email firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be holding a towel for you soon.
10pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com
Saturday, Dec 31
The ultimate party gurl is having an intimate get together for New Year’s Eve with only a couple (hundred) of her closest friends, and if you’re reading this then you’re included. Join the Absolut entertainer herself, Carlotta Gurl, and ring in the New Year with DJs Drew and Mike Bermudez. There will be a midnight balloon drop, champagne toast and, if the gown allows it, a cartwheel or two. Carlotta will supply the spotlight performances and the countdown to 2017, but if the gurl has been cocktailing the count better start at five or she’ll need a teleprompter.
9pm–4am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Tickets $20 at door. No advance tickets. facebook.com/junctionvan/?fref=ts
Women’s New Year’s Eve Dance
Want to get out of town and find some fresh faces to kiss at midnight? Join the Duelling DJs for a celebratory New Year’s Eve Dance. It’s a short jaunt to the party but it is New Year’s Eve, so please make arrangement to stay overnight if you happen to imbibe.
8:30pm–1am. Shannon Hall, 6150 – 176th St, Cloverdale, on the Cloverdale Rodeo Grounds. For information call 604-575-2020. Tickets $25, info at whatsonqueerbc.com/event/new-years-eve-dance-for-women/
Back In Black
Always one of the best New Year’s parties around, and this year is no different. The theme is Back In Black, whether it’s leather, harness, formal, jockstrap or even just a black cap and black cock-ring combo. Dress to impress the one you want. I love black; it is so slimming after all. Unless it’s a black cock ring, since that’s the one place you don’t want looking thin. DJ Mumbles rings in the New Year, and is always looking for that midnight kiss.
8pm–4am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $15. pumpjackpub.com/
Vancouver Outdoor Women’s Club NYE Dance
Ring in the new year and dance the night away at the best women’s party of the year. Not a member of the club? Not a worry. Non-members are welcome. Maybe you’ll enjoy the crowd so much you’ll join the group. Light snacks served and champagne at midnight.
New Year’s Eve With Wilde Oscar’s
This will take another short out of town trip, but The West Coast Mistresses of Illusion are having their first NYE party in Chilliwack. Be entertained and dance to Dirty White Collar, a mid-’80s rock band. Included with your tickets will be champagne at midnight, noisemakers, hats, finger foods and assorted desserts. If staying over, which is always a good idea on New Year’s, The Royal Hotel (604-792-1210) will have a special price on rooms. Call and say “WILD29” to get the special rate.
Ruff Black New Year’s Eve
Finally after two years, Ruff NYE is back with a vengeance, and some very hot men. Two rooms, two dance floors, DJs Russ Rich (SFO), DRKN (Beirut), and our own Quest will keep the dance floor jumping and the clothes dropping. Performances by three years of Mr Ruff, Shane, Colin and Glenn, plus Boy Spence, Chris and the always hot Addison, who never seems to have any room left in his jock for tips. The men alone are worth the admission. Champagne at midnight as well as a kiss from any man you can catch.
New Year’s Eve Glam Ball
This is the party to be glitzy and glam as the House of Bitches (Alma, Ilona, Eva and Rich) host a night full of fun, drinks and performances, plus the O’s Go Go Team and the Snap Boys. DJs Mike Cross and Harris Alan keep things going till 4am. At midnight celebrate with your own 200ml bottle of bubbly. Who needs a glass anyway?
Seems like we all have the same feeling about the past year and XY sums it up. Arguably one of the worst years in history is coming to a close. After countless celebrity deaths, robberies, tragedies, sorrow, ridiculous election results and overall bad decisions, it’s time to come together and give 2016 a big F*CK YOU. A special feature: the F*CK 2016 Wall of Shame. Come in and write the worst thing that’s happened to you or the planet this year, because at midnight they’re ripping it up over the dance floor instead of confetti. DJ Landon James, always looking James Bond-ish in a classy sexy way, spins and Kendall Gender performs. Drink! Dance! Make out! Get laid! End this crappy year and start the new one right.
9pm–4am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $10–$15 at eventbrite.ca. Info at
Up Yours 2016
At least this group is honest and feels the way most of us do about 2016. It could be worse; we could be south of the border. This is a one-time party experience brought to you by Open Relationship, a party collaboration by the organizers of Denim Vest, ManUp, and Queers & Beers. Ready to turn the page and close this godforsaken chapter in a glittery storm of furious cathartic exuberance? Wait no more.
9pm–3am. Red Gate Arts Society, 855 E Hastings St. Cover $15–20, but no one turned away for lack of funds. facebook.com/events/702224853276899/
Finally, a full service party where I can get a room on location, dress formally (black tie with my cotton towel), and end it all off with sticky buns. Start off with Salacious Saturday’s DJ Gingerbear spinning so you can dance until your towel drops. Then, in the early morning hours, there will be a continental breakfast and fresh sticky buns (not mine but the ones you can eat) to keep you going until 8am. I’m sure there must be a prize or a trophy for MVB (most valuable bottom) presented at 8am.
11pm–8am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekend rates start at $17. steamworksbaths.com
Sunday, Jan 1
Polar Bear Swim
Now this is the place to be an after-event fluffer. Take an invigorating dip in English Bay for our annual New Year's Day Polar Bear Swim! Join thousands of hardy polar (and other) bears in this free Vancouver tradition. Whether it's your 57th time participating or you’re getting this off your bucket list, join in and have some invigorating fun. Dress up or down as wildly as you like, do the Peter Pantages 100 yard swim race, or just come out to watch the spectacle. Please bring a can of non-perishable food for the Food Bank
2:30–3:30pm. English Bay, Foot of Denman and Davie Streets. More info and registration at vancouver.ca/parks-recreation-culture/polar-bear-swim.aspx
Not hearing Del Stamp mentioned in any events over the weekend can be a good thing or a very bad thing. It’s a good thing if he’s been out of town, but he hasn’t. That can only mean one thing: he’s been super-host at Steamworks all New Year’s weekend and today’s recovery party is going to be a blast. He’ll be the DJ du jour and ready to party like the rest of us. The old year is gone, and what a way to start 2017 — with a PJ Kegger. Get the tequila shots ready, because papa is going to be thirsty.
5–9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. pumpjackpub.com/
Tuesday, Jan 3
Well, the tree is gone, the lights are down, all your booze is drank, and you’ve put on 18 pounds. Sounds to me you need a good injection of fun. If the singing doesn’t do it, just watch the bar. Ryan Steele is bartending and he will take your mind off anything.
9pm–2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover, facebook.com/groups/1250584251625875/
Shame Spiral Double Birthday
“Double header” and “Peach Cobblah” go hand in hand; the words roll off the tongue. But this double header is a dual birthday, shared with Mina Mercury. With the two of them, I would have a firehose at the ready, because that is a shitload of candles blazing away in one spot. Peach could lose her favorite polyester number; those things go up in a flash. Someone please count the candles, since the old gal says she’s 33, but that would make Mina 79, so I know one is fibbing a bit. Shots, shit and show.
10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1228003770609943/
Wednesday, Jan 4
Well, now that New Year’s is over we’re on our way to spring, and that can only mean one thing: the bears are starting to awaken. What better place to meet a hot, hung, horny bear than at Bear Hump. Best of all, it’s happening early so just say you have to work a bit late, head on over, get your fill of bear meat, and get home for dinner and the 6 o’clock news. Gives you time to re-energize and recover, and nobody is any the wiser. It’ll just be a secret between you and me, and as long as you put out, my lips are sealed.
3–9pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/events/