Thursday, Feb 16
Drag Race and Pumpjack are not two scenarios commonly put together, unless you’re talking about how I get my chosen ones out of PJs at the end of the night, kicking and screaming as I drag them into the night. Tonight is not Drag Race as you know it, but a night of fabulous athletic support. The city’s own funny man Steev Letts will perform, there will be raffles and door prizes and a winner of the coveted PJ Drag Race title, and there is more. Go-go dancers will perform in the shower, and yes, the one you have been waiting for, Addison Reed, will be there soaking wet and shaking his moneymaker right at face level. Somebody fan me, I’m getting hot. And does he need a fluffer?
7pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover gets you in. facebook.com/thepumpjackpub/
Vancouver’s Next Drag Superstar Finale
Well, tonight is the night. The grand finale is here, and not a moment too soon, since I don’t think Tommy D or James Steck’s nerves or liver can take another week of competition. This event aims to find the best of the best drag performers from across the city. Was your pick the one? Hosted by Jane Smokr with Thorgy Thor as guest judge and performer. The night is bound to be a hit.
8pm. Celebrities Nightclub, 1022 Davie St. Tickets $15 and info at facebook.com/events/1933160676916906/
Friday, Feb 17
February Walkies: Science World After Dark
Are you a Van-Pah puppy, handler or enthusiast? Join in the fun at Science World’s After Dark: Quantum exhibition. Join in and explore how researchers are merging quantum mechanics and information technology to revolutionize and redefine the 21st century — and how Canadian researchers are leading the way. Plus, the pups are a lot of fun romping around. But if one lifts a leg watch out, those pups can hit a bullseye at 15 feet. Fun and education all in one night and, yes, the bar is ready to serve.
Faux Girls: Entertainer Of The Year
Of course it’s that time of year again. March 25 is Coronation 46, which means for the next month you’ll be seeing drag shows everywhere leading up to the big night. Get ready for in-town shows, out-of-town shows, back-from-the-grave shows . . . the list is endless. Tonight kicks the frenzy off with the crowning of Entertainer of the Year. Gia Metric, 2016’s big winner, will pass a new crown to the best of this year’s crop (not the old crown because you know a drag queen will never give up jewellery, alcohol or groupies.) Better get there early for a good seat; hold one for me.
9pm–3am, showtime 10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5 cover. facebook.com/events/358300691222922/
Saturday, Feb 18
Loli*Pop: Lonely Hearts Club
The perfect after-Valentine’s get together if you didn’t get chocolates, flowers or even an anonymous card. Valentine’s Day can suck, so come and let these girls show you how to suck the right way. Join Ilona and Eva Scarlett along with guests Mila Dramatic and the awesome Raye Sunshine in a night full of love songs, breakup songs and any other type of song you like to hear when you’re feeling crushed. The perfect DJ to lift your spirits, Mr “I never say no to KFC or a hand job” DJ Del Stamp, will be spinning.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/419633618428392/
Bears Night Out
It’s a rhetorical question. Do bears shit in the woods? Yes. Is every bears night a bears night out? Also, yes. But PJ likes to make a monthly night of it for fun. All the cubs, twinks and shy guys huddle in corners around the bar, waiting for a big manly bear to scoop them up and have their way with them. Whether you are there to scoop, huddle in the corner or watch the fun, this is a great night out. Can’t find what you’re looking for in the corners? Check out the DJ booth for the sexiest little cub around, DJ Mumbles, and see if he needs refreshment or help doing a pee break.
9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover. pumpjackpub.com/
Finally, I can ask if you’re horny for a party. Get it? Unicorn = horn? Probably over your head. Zing! Just when it’s been six months since hearing from the Pride Society, here’s their winter fundraiser, an epic dance party. Unicorns, sparkles and balls, oh my! Dress in your most colourful, sparkly unicorn outfits to dance the night away. Prance on stage for the unicorn costume contest to win amazing prizes. No costume? Don’t worry, they have you covered with unicorn stations complete with horns, ears, props, face painting and a photo booth. Personally, I would like a little elf impaled on my horn.
Sunday, Feb 19
Vancouver Men In Leather AGM
Ok, now I know I must be missing something. In what universe does a rough, hairy, built, multiple-orgasm-producing, full leather man get up early Sunday morning after a hard Saturday night? Well, come along this morning and see as the Vancouver Men In Leather head back to the bar for their AGM at the ungodly hour or 10:30am. If you’re interested in joining VML, please contact email@example.com for additional information. They are looking for people of all types and experience. Today they will review last year's activities and current status, as well as vote in the new Vancouver Men in Leather board for 2017.
10:30am–1pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. https://www.facebook.com/events/243736639398662/
If you are looking for a coronation-type show with a little more fire, passion and lively music, then tonight is for you. It’s the crowning of Miss Gay Latina; I can hear backstage as we speak, fiery Latinas blasting each other with words none of us understands. Kind of like when I walk through the kitchen at work and all the cooks are yelling at me in another language; I know they’re pissed but I smile and say good morning.
10pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com/events/caliente-night-7/
Monday, Feb 20
Even though I’m not allowed into this workshop, I always like to have something special for the women out there. This week is no exception, so grab your partner or come alone to learn how to give the best female massage ever. You will learn how to give healing and/or pleasure through the whole body, perform external and internal massage with specific focus on unveiling the mysteries of a woman's sensuous sweet spots, and how to create a safe space for the receiver, followed by how to touch and massage the velvety lips, clitoris, g-spot and vaginal walls to release pain or residual energy, increase orgasmic potential and create whole body well-being and bliss. All I can say is I hope they have good sound proofing, because the room is going to explode.
7:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 W Broadway St. Cost $50, and please register in advance at artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/yoni-massage-live-demo
Del’s Extended Weekend
It’s hard to believe with how much this man works in a week he even knows when the weekend is, let alone which way is up. Although, now that I think about it, up is easier; he just has to look at his feet flailing above his head. If the man is in his Hello Kitty kilt, you know two things for certain: it’s going to be a good night, and there are no underwear. One of the best DJs around, and he always has a surprise or two up his . . . well, let’s just say hidden on him.
11pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No Cover. junctionpub.com/events/dels-extended-weekend-2017-02-20/
Tuesday, Feb 21
The Ryan and Amy Show
Finally, they’re back for another show. It’s hard to say which I like better. I’ve always been a fan of feminine comedy, so I guess Ryan, although Amy has the smoking looks and banging body. Such a hard decision. I guess we all have our favourites. Both will make you laugh until you pee, and then will even mop it up. Nine years together and still going strong, like the energizer bunny and her battery duo. See you there.
Wednesday, Feb 22
Pink Shirt Day
Last year I got quite a bit of praise for wearing my pink shirt to protest bullying. I didn’t have the heart to tell them it was actually a yellow shirt that got washed with red socks by mistake. Plus, I didn’t even know it was Pink Shirt Day, so I nodded, said thanks, and went on my way. This year I’ve purchased a specific shirt for the occasion and will actually be informed enough to lecture people on bullying and where they can donate to help the cause. Please go to the website and do the same. pinkshirtday.ca/
Whip it; whip it good, real good. Whether you’re into giving or receiving, it’s time to come out and make the air sound alive with the whoosh of the whip. New and never held a whip, experienced and well-seasoned in the way of whips, or anything in between is welcome. No live targets (it's a practice after all.) We use stuffies and pompoms as our targets of choice… for now. There are usually a couple of extra whips for new folks to try out, and occasionally others are willing to share their beloved whips as well. Hosted by Metro Vancouver Kink.
6:45–8:45pm. The Wise Hall & Lounge, 1882 Adanac St. facebook.com/events/269629080124601/