Thursday, Feb 23
Until this body is summer ready — I’m not committing to which summer — the beach is out, and what I need is a nice dimly lit space. Or better yet, completely dark. This infamous night, when the lights are lower than a burnt-out nightlight, is a great place to undo, unwind and unload, if you know what I mean. Keep the towel on or go au naturel as you work your way around, feeling with whatever part of you sticks out the furthest. A great night for the shy or the first time visitor and, don’t worry, if you happen to walk into something warm, wet and furry, just go with the flow. It’s probably DJ Gingerbear Todd.
4pm–4am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/
Imelda Mae Santos Benefit Show
One of the village’s own is down and the village queens are throwing a fundraiser to help out. Imelda Mae Santos recently had heart bypass surgery and is in slow recovery. The entry donation will go towards her recovery costs, so every bit counts. Hosted by Myria and Miss M, you will see some of the city’s finest entertainers, who always show up to help out with every benefit large or small. Show your support and donate what you can.
Doors 6:30pm, show 7:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Entrance by donation. junctionpub.com/events/benifiet-for-imelda-mae-santos/
Friday, Feb 24
Anyone who has dealt with a coronation of emperor or empress knows how confusing the court system can be. This is only more true at the actual events, where there are too many people in charge (or who think they should be in charge). But for all of us out front, the show goes off seamlessly — if you’re lucky. In the burgeoning beginning of the Imperial Courts, the key element of “camp drag” was used by both monarchs. In 1971, the founders set out to educate that the “title” and the “office” of emperor and empress were two different things. But when combined, the results were designed to make your experience both purposeful and humanitarian. Hosted by Miss M, with DJ Drew providing the music, this night of performances may make you feel like you are back at the ball.
Doors 8pm, show 9pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com/events/imperial-turnabout/
Spectrum Volume 2
I was telling a friend of mine about this event and mentioned that Ingrid Hakanson, Skylar Love, Patrick Kelly, guest dancers and performance artists were all involved. He asked if all these people would be giving a demonstration on stage, and I realised he was still gun shy after I sent him to a sex workshop last time, and he thought I had said this event was Speculum Volume 2. No such luck, Roger. This is an event of diversity and inclusivity. It doesn’t matter what your gender or sexual preference is, how much money you make, your religion or your ethnicity . . . all that matters is that you bring a positive attitude and nothing but respect for yourself, those around you and the space you occupy. The music will unite all.
9pm–2:30am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $12 at door. facebook.com/events/1239093319477723/
Saturday, Feb 25
Wild Fruit Queer Dance Party
I love Saturday nights for partying; weekdays I get up at an ungodly hour when most of you haven’t even got your date’s pants off yet. Some friends forget that Friday is actually a weekday, so by the time I meet you to go out I’ve probably been up 16 hours. It’s not that I’m not interested in who is talking to me, it’s that I’m sleeping standing up. So tonight is the night, and where do I pick? A Flygirl party. Yes, it is a women’s party, but all are invited and the place usually rocks. Tonight it’s also in a new venue so get out and support one of the longest running parties in town.
DJ G-Luve & Bikes
1181 has had every kind of night you can imagine, so why not a night to pedal a bike to power Alma B Itches spotlight? That girl needs a lot of light. Sorry, fitness junkies, but this is not that kind of show. Tonight you have a DJ who was dropped from the womb at a house party, probably to some funky house music, and a DJ who has been playing gigs around South Africa — a match made in heaven. Come enjoy something new at a spot with a metropolitan atmosphere and a contemporary, urban attitude.
10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/264583167300886/
Absolulty Dragulous Anniversary
The old gal has been around the village for years, entertaining us all. It’s hard to say who has had more of Carlotta Gurl’s crotch to the face, the ones who see the cartwheels up close or the groupies at the door after the show. It’s definitely a close call, but I’m going with the cartwheels. And tonight being the sixth anniversary show, I’m sure there will be much more than one thrown in. You just know every queen in town will drop by for a number or two, so don’t wake up Sunday and find out that this was the show of the year and you missed it — because that gurl will track you down.
Doors 9pm, show 10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $7. junctionpub.com/events/absolutly-drag-u-lous-2017-02-25/
Sunday, Feb 26
Oh god, remember teenage lust? I spent two years using my textbooks to hide the continuous erection. Well, actually it was a book of maps, and I had been out of school for a long time. I guess that’s why I can’t go to the library without getting all hot and sweaty every time I pick up a book. The Sleepy Girls are back for round two of their show. Who was your first crush? What did they smell like? What did you imagine them doing to you? You’d better delve into the farthest reaches of your spank bank for this one. You’ll get stories about crushes; you'll get nostalgic performances that explore that awkward time in life. Not only will you get drag queens, but Karmella Barr and Kevin Bloomfield as guests, along with Rogue Queen, S-Stud and Pu$$y Melk.
8:30–11:30pm. Displace Hashery, 3293 W 4th Ave. Cover $10 at door. facebook.com/events/315860125478298/
The Oscars Viewing Party
This ageless doll has been around so long she posed for the original Oscar statue. Grab off the wig and you’ll see the resemblance is uncanny. For as long as I can remember, which these days is not long, Conni Smudge has been the go-to girl to host this annual Oscar party. You have not lived until you’ve had a few drinks and heard her Red Carpet Dish. Do your research, fill in your ballot and see if you’re right. The most correct ballot will pick up $100 and runner up $50. And yes, $100 will fit in Conni’s bra, along with your coat, slippers, and overnight items.
Doors 3pm, Red Carpet Dish 4pm, Oscars 5:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1361137523948445/
Monday, Feb 27
QueerProv Monday: Fruit Bowl
You probably need a bit of cheering up after not one of your picks was right for the Oscars, but don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Although last year I only got one wrong, so there is hope for you yet. Fruit Bowl is back with two teams pitted (get it?) against each other, and The Funsies returning to defend their title. Fruit Bowl is hosted by the one and only big fruit, Dan Dumsha, improv comedian and teacher — and might I add a hottie.
8–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/events/402810770050548/
Okay, so B-Roll has done Sex in the City, Harry Potter and Mean Girls just to name a few, but now they’re messing with the phenomenon of the year, Pokemon. I can’t wait to see Dee Blew as Jigglypuff or Jane Smokr as Jessie. Since these are drag queens doing Pokemon characters, will they still have their coloured hankie in the back pocket? I bet Jane has the coveted Rocket Snorlax hidden on her somewhere. Does Pokemon yellow stand for pee? I’ll have to go take notes; the game will never be the same.
If you’re like me, useless things just keep getting stuck in your brain. I had to stop watching Jeopardy because I would yell out an answer and scare my husband right off the couch. If you’ve got a stockpile of facts that range from useless to impressive lodged in your brain then head to the first edition of The Big Fat Frigging Quiz, hosted by Shanda Leer, with questions from general news, science, arts, music and more.
Registration 7:30 pm, Trivia 8–9pm. The American, 926 Main St. No cover. facebook.com/events/165833030578521/
Tuesday, Feb 28
The Stunt Queen Tour With Mykki Blanco
Michael David Quattlebaum Jr, better known by the stage name Mykki Blanco, is an American rapper, performance artist, poet and activist. Mykki brings his debut solo album "Mykki" on The Stunt Queen Tour with Cakes Da Killa and DJ Skylar Love.
9pm–1am. Fortune Sound Club, 147 East Pender St. Tickets $17 at fortunesoundclub.electrostub.com/event.cfm?id=178707. Info at facebook.com/events/1215477075204358/
With all the political ridiculousness going on around us, one good thing happening this year is the resurgence of comedy and amateur nights. Come in, turn off your cerebral cortex and just laugh till you cry, or bond with a song. You never know what is going to happen, so just let it. Hosted by Steev Letts and Oil Maughan, who are calling for comedians, musicians, and all performance acts. Sign up starts at 7:30pm and pros, amateurs and first timers are all welcome.
7–10pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/422946591430414/
Wednesday, March 1
This new multimedia Kinesis Dance work is inspired by the search for Utopia, how the insatiable desire to reach paradise brings out both the best and the worst in us, and the penumbra — the grey area between light and darkness — that clouds our quest for enlightenment. As part of the Vancouver International Dance Festival, this intricate, experimental choreography is executed by a powerhouse ensemble of fearless dancers: Elissa Hanson, Renée Sigouin, Hyoseung Ye, Arash Khakpour, and Diego Romero.
Tonight until Saturday, March 4 at 8pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie St. Tickets $20 at kinesisdance.org/project/penumbra/.
Elbow Room Café: The Musical
If you’ve ever eaten at The Elbow Room Café you’ll understand when I say to run, get up and run, or you risk snorting your drink out your nostrils because you can hear the next table getting torn a new one for asking for a coffee refill. Girl, we know better than to ask for anything. They took the order, and they brought it; what more do you want? If you didn’t want a bitchy server, you should have stayed home. This is the play in which Allan Zinyk leads a cast of campy misfits, drag queens, and the perpetually hung over. Written by Peach Cobblah’s alter ego, Dave Deveau, it shows he’s not just a pretty face in a frock. This is a hit.
Tonight and Thursday, March 2, 8pm; March 3–4 and 7–11 at 8pm; March 4, 5, 11 and 12, 2pm. York Theatre, 639 Commercial Dr. Tickets $10–44 at thecultch.com. More info at thecultch.com/events/elbow-room-the-musical/