Thursday, Jan 5
Whether we want to admit it or not we’ve all added a little extra poundage over the holidays. For the bears it is never a problem but for the otters, twinks, gym rats and others it can be a major issue until the tiny paunch they perceive as life threatening has disappeared. Fear not paunchies, this anonymous night is for you – don’t let the bears have all the fun. Lights get turned down so low you wouldn’t recognize your own dad in the room. Trust me, nobody is going to be grabbing anything above the waist unless it is to bend you over faster.
4pm–4am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/events/
Occasionally, especially at resolution time, I like to be a metrosexual type of homo. Not the political views or the fashion sense but a cleaner, well groomed, regularly washed type of gay that will look for the same in a bed buddy. That usually happens just once, in January, mostly at a night like this, watching buff, clean, hairless studs (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not usually for me). My senses kick in and I revert to the pig you all know and love that is at the other place across the village, trying to climb on top of whatever hairy bear is ready, willing and able.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/290956241306929/
Friday, Jan 6
Full Length Feature Fridays
One of the more popular dance nights in the gay universe does not take place in the Village, but have no fear fellow gays: you can still get there by a 15-minute transit ride from your usual hub. That little ginger bundle of fur, DJ Gingerbear, who you may have seen DJ’ing in a towel at some weekly steam-filled events, not only brings you great tunes and even remixes those tunes with video displays. Throw in a few performances by Carlotta Gurl, special guests and a few sexy go-go boys and you’ve got a party going on.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/290956241306929/
Saturday, Jan 7
Puppy New Year
As a child every Christmas I hoped for a puppy but alas it never happened. Now some odd number of decades later, I find myself wishing the same but these pups are much better than the small furry ones I used to want. Check out this event and you will see why. Pups of all shapes, sizes, ages and versatility will be playing all over the bar, sniffing, rolling, humping and looking for belly rubs. As an added bonus for this session they have teamed up with Vancouver Rubbermen so there will be rubber pups along with rubber bondage gear and rubber clothing for you to try out if you are so inclined.
2–5pm. The Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. https://www.facebook.com/events/691166014392575/
Gay Music Bingo
A lot of you can relate to this: you go to Gay Bingo, have a few cocktails, get your dabber out, a few more cocktails and then you turn back into the party animal of high school. You are dabbing your face, your buddy’s arm, hitting on the queens or the DJ that you know puts out, and now a week later you are ashamed to show your face there until the dust has settled. Why go without your bingo fix when you can take a road trip to where nobody knows you and have the same great night all over again? This bingo night has music, great prizes including cash and a dance party afterwards. Best of all you can stay at the same place and sleep it off and nobody will be the wiser.
7pm. The Stage, Bellevue Hotel, 32998 1st Ave, Mission. Cover $5. facebook.com/groups/outinchilliwack/
House On Fire
For those of you wondering where Ryan Steele and Amy Goodmurphy have been lately, I did some research and found out they swapped bodies. Now we will really see which one is really funniest — my money is on Amy, but is that new Amy or old Amy? Tonight you can check them all out along with some of the top improv and sketch comedians, as this new monthly night takes hold. Tonight’s headliner is Colin Sharp with hosts Brian Cook, Cameron MacLeod and lots of improv guests.
8pm. Fortune Sound Club, 147 East Pender St. $10 cover at door. facebook.com/events/216592992126483/
Sunday, Jan 8
If you woke up New Year’s Day and the hangover from the night before lasted until Wednesday, father time may be catching up. If that feels like a crushing statement, this is the group for you. You may not have to go out to pasture just yet but if you are looking to slow the pace join this group for a wide variety of activities: bridge, brunches, afternoon coffee, dining out, lunches, monthly meetings, movie nights, pot lucks, theatre, concerts, walks, day and overnight excursions, and holiday celebrations. Today is their monthly membership meeting, a great place to get all the info you need.
1:30pm. West End Community Centre, 870 Denman St. Fees are $30 per year single, $45 couple. vancouverprimetimers.wixsite.com/vancouverprimetimers/events
Celebrate old-school glamour and celebrity impersonation with one of the city’s classiest drag queens, Jaylene Tyme, along with guest hostess Ilona and this week’s feature performer Raye Sunshine. You have not experienced anything like Jaylene’s renditions of Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey and Tina Turner, just to name a few. The perfect setting for that first date you have after New Year’s Eve.
8–11pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5. https://www.facebook.com/events/1271726502870830/
Monday, Jan 9
Looking For A Great Orgasm: Women Only
Growing up I always knew when my dad hit the right spot for mom — I could hear all the way down to my room in the basement and the next day our menu would change. No longer was I eating fried baloney, egg and chips for a Tuesday dinner. I was eating steak and baked potato or prime rib with Yorkshire pudding, if it was a multiple. Always wanted to high-five dad over the table but it might have given away how much I could hear and spoiled my new eating plan. Ladies, have you ever had an orgasm that makes your whole body shake and your toes curl? Want to learn how to have one? This evening is a woman’s guide to self-pleasure that includes all the details from the basics of getting started to more advanced tips and techniques. Knowing your sweet spots will enhance your lovemaking with your partner too. Join in for a fun evening whether you’re exploring your sexuality for the first time or you’re an experienced pair of hands looking for a few new tricks.
7:30pm. The Art Of Loving, 369 W Broadway. Registration, $25, online or at 604-742-9988. artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/how-have-a-great-orgasm
Looking for a night of side-splitting laughter usually at your own expense, or at least mine? You will be surprised at how much you do or don’t know about general knowledge, music, trivia, games and even movie clips. Host Richard Romano Carlsen will lead you down the hilarious path to your own destruction, or maybe you will be Trivia King of the night.
7:30–10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. junctionpub.com/
Tuesday, Jan 10
Pleasuring Prostates: Live Demo
Guys, I have found you the perfect sexual Tuesday night to be out as a single. This event will start off your night as you learn to basically finger your ass the right way. In this live demo-based workshop by Redrobin, they'll be exploring anal and prostate play on men. You can expect to hear about safety, toys and tools, getting over fears and shame, methods, tips and tricks for solo play and partnered play. To hell with getting on a guest list, how do I get to be the model for the live demo?
7:30pm. The Art Of Loving, 369 W Broadway. Registration, $25, online or at 604-742-9988. artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/pleasuring-prostates-live-demo
Del Wants Your Body
Well now that you have attended the Prostate Demo, listed above, and you have been fingered so many times you will hump a traffic cone, what do you do next? Del Stamp has the answer for you. After all the Friday nights you have gone to PJs and watched the bears and boys in the shower stall and have bragged that you could do better, here is your chance to put your meat where your mouth is. Do you want to show off what you’ve got? Do you want to get up and shower in front of a room full of men to showcase that weapon between your legs? Do you want to make some extra cash? Then here you go as the Pumpjack, Junction and Steamworks crew are looking for strippers and go-go men. Send in your application to email@example.com and auditions are tonight. Del, if you need a judge here I am!
8pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/thepumpjackpub/?fref=ts
A new night that sounds like a lot of fun. An hour of improvised sketches from the hottest improv comedians in the city. From the brilliant and sharp to the absurd and messy, the rule is simple: never been seen before. After the mess that was 2016, comedy is the way to go for 2017. LIGHTS!
7:30–10:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1026141390831668/
Wednesday, Jan 11
Next Generation LGBTQ Speed Datiing
I know a lot of guys that are into smells, body smells to be precise. Pheromones are one thing I can get into, but a jock that hasn’t been washed in four years is a different matter altogether. It will drive some guys wild with an instant erection, and others won’t touch it with a meat fork. To each their own, but a new night of matchmaking based on your smell is a new one even for me. Researchers says that scent, including pheromones, but mainly MHC genes, play a big part in what makes people feel attracted to each other. This one of a kind event promises a night of adventure and new discoveries. Crazy, yes, but what do you have to lose? All you have to do is bring yourself plus a T-shirt that fits one of the following scenarios: you’ve slept in it for two to three nights, or you wore it to the gym that day, or you wore it all day — as long as there’s no deodorant, perfume or cologne on the T-shirt.