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10 Joan Rivers quotes about gays

Joan Rivers, age 81, left this world today at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. 

“My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh,” her daughter, Melissa Rivers, said in a statemnt. “Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

In memory of the legend, here are 10 of Joan’s quotes on her beloved gays:

1. “My gay fans have been wonderful from day one. I remember when I was working at the Duplex in Greenwich Village in New York at the beginning of my career and the only ones who would laugh at my jokes were the gay guys. I think if I had started out in straight clubs and bars I never would’ve gotten anywhere. Even today when I’m on tour I always know if I get eight gay men in the front row it’s going to be a great show. Maybe it’s just me and I know they’re going to laugh at what I’d laugh at, but when my gays are in the audience it’s always a good time.” 

2. “Gay men have better bodies, on the whole. That’s number one, and number two: they care more about what they look like. Very seldom will you find a gay schlep. Am I right? Very few homeless. This is why there are no gay protesters in Zuccotti Park. Because there’s no place to change, and no closets.”

3. “Gay marriage — I am so against it because all my gay friends are out. And if they get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.”

4. “I hate Tom Cruise . . . In TV interviews Tom laughs inappropriately and much too vociferously at non-humorous declarative statements, which is ironic because in real life he can’t take a fucking joke at all. All you have to do is make one simple, little, harmless, innocuous aside like, ‘The Scientology spaceship was late today; it had to stop by Fire Island to pick up Tom Cruise,’ and he has a pack of lawyers at your door faster than Katie Holmes can say, ‘No, really, he loves me in that way, I swear.’”

5. “I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they’d also instinctively know how to decorate them.”

6. “If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.”
7. “When the gay community starts becoming overly sensitive and loses its sense of humor, we’re all in deep shit. They’re the funniest people alive.”
8. “I hate gay weddings. I’m thrilled about the equal rights thing . . . but gay weddings are like the War on Terror — they go on forever. Gay weddings are a lifetime commitment — for the guests. They start at seven and end in October. Why? Because stereotypes be damned, gays love parades.”
9. “Boy George is all England needs — another queen who can’t dress.”
10. “If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.”
Okay, so that last one isn’t a gay quote, but they’re words to live by, none the less! Thanks for the inspiration and laughter, Joan.