Toronto Diary
1 min

10 upsides to the end of the world

So, if you believe a crazy, gay-hating preacher, the world is going to end on Saturday, May 21, because… I don't really know. Apparently, it's something about gay people who cause earthquakes. Which I think means that all gay people are basically Storm from X-Men. (Read: KICKASS.)

But worry not! If it turns out that Crazy McCrazypants is actually right (and if his prediction of the world ending in 1994 is any indication, he isn't), there are still some silver linings to the end of the entire world.

#1: The removal of annoying fundamentalists from the world means you'll never have to deal with them ever again.

#2: Either you will never have to deal with Fred Phelps again, or you will get to rub it in his face that he wasn't raptured.

#3: Transformers: Dark of the Moon will no longer be the worst thing to happen to America this summer.

#4: Everyone who remains will be a huge slut, which means you'll totally be getting some.

#5: Want to wipe your ass with pages from those fucking Left Behind books? You can now! Enjoy the irony.

#6: Your pets won't be raptured either, which means you can train them to be like the dog from Mad Max.

#7: We'll never have to suffer through Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" again.

#8: The stupid blonde whores on Fox News will finally have something to talk about other than minorities whom they find terrifying.

#9:  Chelsea Handler's new sitcom is suddenly way more funny when you consider that the alternative is a bunch of screaming, harpy demons that…. Oh, wait. Never mind. There's no difference whatsoever.

#10: People will finally shut the hell up about 2012.