Toronto Diary
1 min

14 minutes of Gaga. Why? Just . . . just why?

You know how sometimes you'll see a fat person wearing something that's, like, five sizes too small for them and then someone comments about how it's like trying to fit 10 pounds of sugar into a five-pound bag? Because it doesn't matter how sweet it is if it's spilling out. I mean hell, do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!

Anyway, it turns out this saying works both ways. Don't believe me? Trying watching this 14-minute Lady Gaga video for "Marry the Night." It's five pounds of sugar in a 10-pound bag. And I'm guessing someone decided to fill the remaining space with apathy and pretension.

Here's the thing: I know Lady Gaga tries to paint herself as an artist, to the point where she spends the first 10 minutes beating us over the head with it (no, really — if this video were any less thinly veiled, it would just be 15 straight minutes of Lady Gaga screaming "I AM AN ARTIST" as she beat a dead horse into glue). But art is predominantly about people connecting with the artist. And unfortunately, you can't do that when you sequester yourself in your own little world of naked Cheerios and fashionable nurses. She's a first-rate art installation, but Lady Gaga just flat-out sucks at being a real human being.