What a week. I spent most of yesterday listening to the Shania Twain catalogue. Not a good sign, people. Next step: Sarah McLachlan and throwing myself off my one-storey-high balcony to the mossy expanse below.
Really, I'm just so fucking knackered from the Whole New Me training program at Weights, brought to you by the kind people at Big Rogers Events, that I hardly know what to do with myself anymore. At the end of each training session, I feel like a bag of smashed assholes. What a prize to win, eh?
I'm sure you've all heard of the 300 workout by now. It makes you look like this…
…for a couple of weeks. (No really. It does.)
And then it makes you look like this:
(Cape not included)
I asked trainer/God Bryan Runge to join me in some commentary on how I did yesterday with the 300 WORKOUT (LEVEL 2), and below you'll see the number of repetitions required and the exercise type (feel free to give it a try and see how you fare).
SH: These are the worst. I feel like a sack of potatoes with arms when doing back exercises. So…
Bryan: Next time we’ll aim for 2 pull-ups. You’ll get there!
SH: The only thing I hate more than bending over is having to bend over with 140 lbs on my shoulders.
Bryan: Can you please put your sweats back on next time you do these?
25 bench press (flat)
SH: Finally. I get to lay down on my back and work the girls.
Bryan: Ummm… I do hope you've realized by now that the bench press is to work your chest, NOT your two little girls like that display this afternoon… Thankfully it’s a private gym…
50 leg extensions
SH: I think Bryan put extra weight on for these ones today because I was complaining too much. I could only do five repetitions before taking a break.
Bryan: 5????? Don’t flatter yourself!
50 hanging windshield wipers
SH: I could only do two of these before having to modify and just pull my knees into my chest while hanging mid-air like an asshole.
Bryan: This is when Sean ran over to his gym bag and pulled out his flask! WATER?? REALLY???
50 shoulder raises from squat position
SH: These are fucking lame. And by lame, I mean hard.
Bryan: O Sean… Those weren’t squats… C minus and 2 sad smileys
25 Dumbbell chest flies (flat)
SH: Back to laying on my back… sigh
Bryan: Actually, you look great on your back waving your arms around like that. Next time we’ll try a big boy workout by adding some weights.
25 more pull-ups (close grip)
SH: This is where I almost threw up.
Bryan: Awww… I just realized those were REAL tears!!
As you can tell, Bryan is a total bitch, which is why he`s such a good trainer. The big before-and-after photo reveal is coming in a couple weeks. Keep at your fitness in the meantime and enjoy your weekend.