Toronto Diary
2 min

5 Halloween costumes you probably shouldn’t try this year

If all the jack-o’-lanterns, discount bulk candy and Hocus Pocus reruns haven’t clued you in yet, tomorrow is Halloween. The Village will be closed off for the annual Halloween Block Party, so if you haven’t done so yet, now’s probably a good time to start putting together your Halloween costume. BUT BE WARNED! Some of the obvious ones will inevitably be done to death, so here’s a quick list of the costumes to avoid:

Miley Cyrus

The former Disney starlet became an unstoppable pop-culture force this year, because apparently no one has ever seen a little assless white girl twerk before, and this Halloween you won’t be able to swing a dead cat without hitting someone dressed as Miley. (I am legally required to tell you that does not endorse the swinging of cats, dead or alive. Thank you.) Whether you pick wrecking-ball Miley or teddy-bear twerking Miley — with or without Robin Thicke — there will be about a hundred people with the exact same costume as you. Back to the drawing board.

Walter White

This one is a lot like the aforementioned Ms Cyrus, in that it’s a costume based on an omnipotent cultural presence, Breaking Bad. The only real difference is that it comes with far more critical acclaim, and also meth. You’re going out dressed as a meth dealer. Yes, it’s a great show, but do you want to be just another murderous meth pusher in a sea of other murderous meth pushers?

The Fox from Ylvis’s “What Does the Fox Say?"

Remember Gangnam Style? Same verse, same as the first. There’s some appeal here in that it comes pre-programmed with its own punchline, since all you have to do is jump out at people screeching “GERING-DING-DING-DING-DING-ARING-DING-DING!” This is funny exactly once. Doing this for an entire night, however, can and will erode the human soul.


This one’s easy: just attach a bunch of sharks to your body and then spin around. BLAM! Sharknado! (This is also exactly how much thought went into the actual Sharknado movie.) This is all good and fun until you realize you’re dressed as a Syfy original movie. Starring Tara Reid. You are literally a physical representation of Tara Reid’s floundering career, and that’s weirdly fucking dark for a Halloween costume.

Grumpy Cat

I don’t get it. It’s like a cat, but she also looks pissed off at everything. I don’t really understand what . . . well, actually she’s kind of cute. Look at her widdle face! D’awwwwww! She’s so precious! Actually, you know what? Go right ahead. Do Grumpy Cat. You’ve earned it.