Toronto is awash with culture, from exhibits at Paul Petro Contemporary Art to the latest revolutionary queer play at Buddies in Bad Times, but sometimes what really hits the spot is a row of magnificent bubble butts winking at you from beneath harsh stage lights in a rowdy tavern.
The Squirt Best Men’s Ass Contest at Woody’s has long been a staple of Saturday nights in the Church-Wellesley Village, where men of all sorts bare and work their asses to win applause and prizes.
The contest is almost always preceded by host Sofonda Cox and guests giving drag performances. “After a couple of numbers, we call volunteers up onstage to show off their best assets,” Sofonda says. “We’ve had a few battles. When you narrow it down to the top three, they battle it out in a dance-off or twerk-off or whatever.”
“They’re not allowed to show their wee-wee; it’s forbidden, but accidents do happen sometimes, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my goodness!’” she says.
Sofonda reflects on the beauty and variety of the posteriors that she, with the keen eye of the connoisseur, has admired over the years. “All types of guys from all around the world compete,” she says. “And there are students, bears — the hairiest asses; the asses have been so beautiful that I faint. They’re so round and luscious, like apples ready for the pickin’.”
Occasionally, transgender guys compete. “The trans guys are beautiful, so yummy. I think a trans guy won once. Usually they wear a jockstrap,” she says.
Recently, she says, there was a battle between dancers from The Lion King, We Will Rock You and Disney cruises — they just wandered in. “There were three or four from each, and they were all dancers, so they were doing full splits, jumping up and showing their asses. It was crazy.”
Woody’s is hosting a relaunch party for the contest, at which Toronto-area members of Squirt will be invited to come out and have a few drinks, and folks can meet and have their pictures taken with the Squirt models. Going forward, the prizes will be even better, beginning with a contest on the night of the relaunch, when a group of volunteer hunks will compete for Squirt memberships and prize packs.
Check out Xtra’s sexy video of the Best Ass re-launch party.