50 min

A great day for America!

I waited nine long, arduous years for this moment but George W. Bush held his last White House press conference today and this disastrous president went out the way he came in — feeble and awkward:

And please let the door hit your ass on the way out. 

As American conservatism now grabbles with how to revive itself, like some home-schooled zombie, its scavengers are left with the only thing they still feel sure of:  good old-fashioned homophobic hatred!  The man who wants to lead the Republican National Committee is insisting that "homosexuality is a compulsion that can be contained, repressed or changed" while a recent transgender anti-discrimination bill in Gainsville, Florida spawned this useless but ridiculosly fearmongering TV ad:

And in a surreal finale, we have the sad and desperate vision of the US right-wing’s folksy “aw, shucks” face, Mike Huckabee, arguing with its severe, angular face, Ann Coulter, over how “pro-sodomy” Huckabee is:

"Scout’s honour!” I love it.  Moving on, lest we contemplate the barren wasteland that must be Mike Huckabee’s bedroom, we happily look ahead to a new era for America. Now I’m not convinced Barack Obama is “pro-sodomy” but his press secretary gave a solid “yes" to the question of ending the ban on gays in the military. Fortunately, there has never been a ban on military in the gays.

Also exciting is the news that Obama has asked openly gay Episcopal bishop Gene Robinson to deliver the invocation at the opening party before his inauguration. This provides some balance after the furor over Rick Warren’s spot at the actual inauguration. Skeptics think Obama picked Robinson as damage control but the bishop says he was actually asked long before. Why’d he wait so long? Please, he’s gay — he was just waiting until BeyoncĂ© signed on before he’d commit!

Yes, America’s “pro-sodomy” era is here! Remember that soap-opera clip I posted yesterday? Turns out it was only the first half: while gay teen characters Luke and Noah made headlines by making out in August 2007, yesterday they finally(!) had quaint, 1950s off-screen sex.  Hooray for teenage gay sodomy on American housewives’ afternoon television!  Here’s to the future: