Tomorrow I, like many of you, will began my hike back to my parents’ place to take part in the annual passive-aggressive bitch-a-thon known as Christmas! If, like me, you want to avoid the usual “I have a real job, Mom! Blogging and porn are real jobs! AND YOU’RE PAYING JONATHAN’S RENT ANYWAY, SO SHUT UP!” deal, here’s a step-by-step guide on how to deal with the holidays!
Step 1: Drink.
Just fucking drink. Drink all the things. Just pour liquids into your face and judge the alcohol content later.
Step 2: See Step 1.
See? It’s just that easy. There’s a reason the Irish have such large families: being drunk as a family brings you all closer! It also makes it way easier to build gingerbread houses, as seen in this video of . . .
Waitaminute . . . This bitch doesn’t like making gingerbread houses? And she thinks eggnog is gross? Hmmmm . . . I’m starting to think this woman is not actually a positive role model. Oh well. Drink anyway. You can write it off as part of the holiday celebration thing. Happy holidays, everyone! Drive safe and try not to drink to the point where you make even more terrible decisions than usual.