Opinion
1 min

Age of Aqueerius

Your biweekly horoscopes from the mystical mind of Ryan Kerr

Your biweekly gay horoscopes. Credit: Darryl Mabey
 
Leo
 
I’ve always felt our love was as soft as an easy chair, ageless and evergreen, but far too seldom seen . . . Ramp up the romping, already!
 
Virgo
 
Off on another adventure. Change of scenery, change of pants; whatever “new” feels like to you, get used to it. There’s a ton of good “news” coming your way.
 
Libra
 
I was watching a Virgo eating blueberries the other day. Every berry was carefully inspected and dusted off. I couldn’t tell if I was inspired or repulsed, but he taught me a valuable lesson: be aware of what you put in your mouth! 
 
Scorpio
 
I just discovered that my moon is in Scorpio. Apparently, I like getting myself into hot water (both senses). Guess I’m a bona fide drama queen. In solidarity, Ryan.
 
Sagittarius 
 
If you’ve found yourself saying, “But why clean it? It’ll only get dirty again,” then you must be single.
 
Capricorn
 
Now that Church Street has new parking benches, you can afford a little unplanned leisure time to soak up the waning summer sunshine. Or, just be miserable about all the cottaging you have planned . . .
 
Aquarius
 
I know it’s early, but I think you’d be a great space cadet for Halloween this year.
 
Pisces
 
Turn that frown upside down! You’re powerful, healthy and most of all, you’ve got irresistible assets. Put those tail feathers to good use.
 
Aries
 
Contrary to your popular belief, the Earth actually rotates around the sun.
 
 
Taurus
 
You know when Lady Macbeth can’t get the blood stains off her hands? It’s because the stain-fighting power of oxygen hadn’t been discovered yet. There are new solutions everywhere for pesky old problems. 
 
Gemini
 
You need a musical change. But not just any song will do: it must mirror your duplicitous, emotionally confused nature in some way. Hmm . . . How about “Smile,” as performed by Michael Jackson?
 
Cancer
 
Looking for safety isn’t so bad a life skill. I just wish you didn’t flee to glass houses.