Lisa Ugray’s workshop Sex and Trans Women doesn’t nag, judge or berate — she just wants to get more trans women laid.
She says that many people are too scared to have sex with trans women. They’re interested, but they’ve never done it or they don’t know where to start. As a result, “a bunch of trans women who’d like to be having sex aren’t.”
Based in Ottawa, Ugray describes herself as a “queer trans sex educator,” because she’s queer and trans. The intersection of trans and sex has been her focus since 2008 when she first started talking about such matters publicly.
Sex with Trans Women isn’t about scolding attendees for knowing too little about trans people. Rather, it’s intended to be a fun way to give folks the knowledge they need to confidently engage in sex with such partners.
And if they learn how to avoid making transphobic missteps along the way, so much the better.
Following an ice-breaker activity, attendees — it’s open to everyone, no matter their gender or orientation — will learn about anatomy, safety concerns, what feels good, what to ask your partner, how different trans women may prefer or need different things, how bodies may vary and what “muffing” is.
Ugray will also dispel some common misconceptions. Attendees will learn such things as: not all trans women hate the junk they were born with; surgery isn’t always the end game; not being hard doesn’t indicate lack of arousal; and that not ejaculating doesn’t mean an orgasm didn’t happen.
But, again, it’s all about fostering great sex, so Ugray will give a few sexy pointers, such as that you almost can’t go wrong with nipples. Women’s nipples are more sexualised than men’s, she says, so playing with your partner’s nipples is one way to cause pleasure while affirming her (or their) gender.