Arts & Entertainment
4 min

And the award for best cumshot goes to?

Your Porn Primer for the GayVN Awards 2009

TO THE LAST MAN. Raging Stallion's four-disc epic production is the Slumdog Millionaire of porn, says Ed Woody. Expect it to sweep the GayVN Awards.

UPDATE: Check out a full list of winners from the 2009 GayVN Awards. As expected, Raging Stallion’s To The Last Man was the big winner of the night.

 
With the Oscars nothing but a champagne-hazed memory, you may think award season is over for gay viewers. Oh, ye innocent, unwitting folk! Late March is the time for celebrating the best boners, hottest heinies and fanciest fucks in the glittering world of gay porn.

Yes, it’s the GayVN Awards, now in their 11th year. And like a penis in a vacuum pump, the event just gets bigger every year.

The ceremony honours those who work so hard to get you so hard, with nominations covering everything from Best Cinematography to Best Cumshot.

Here are my capsule reviews of the 16 nominees for Best Picture — basically the hottest, sexiest man-on-man porn in all of 2008. Any of these are worth your money, and then some.

Ass Cruisin’ by Jet Set (jetsetmen.com)

Jockish Aaron James spends his days hunting for hot ass, leading to a film with the most scorching no-frills sucking, fucking and rimming I’ve seen in years. And if this guy really is as straight off-screen as he claims, then just call him Meryl Streep, because he’s the best actor in the world.

Best Men, parts 1 & 2 by Falcon (falconstudios.com)

Falcon’s big two-parter for 2008 sent their erotic exclusives to Las Vegas for a bachelor party to end them all. Who cares about whether the guys get married, when you’ve got body-builder Zeb Atlas finally getting busy with a man, and cute ex-American Idol twink Kirk Cummings getting slammed silly?

Betrayed by FPG Entertainment (pulsedistribution.com)

As of writing, they still haven’t sent us the DVD. Neither does NakedSword have it to view online; neither does the company’s own website. So I can’t actually tell you anything about this movie, other than that it involves wrestling, and somebody somewhere thought it was great.

Breakers by Titan Media (titanmen.com)

Tony Buff captures illegal campers Rick van Sant and Dean Flynn and fists and pisses on them as punishment. Then he takes them back to his cabin for a much more vanilla, and yet actually hotter, flip-fucking threesome. They’re dripping with sweat and still going after more than an hour. And that’s only one scene out of five.

Endgame by Dirty Bird (dirtybirdpictures.com)

Anyone familiar with gay porn will know the name Chad Hunt, a titanic top-man who has ravaged bottoms for years. He announced his retirement and went out with a bang as a drifter with a secret who not only takes it for the first time on screen, but gets gangbanged by three hung thugs.

Grind, Vol 1 by Forbidden Funk (forbiddenfunk.org)

An all black and latin cast head down to the dungeons for some no-prisoners hardcore leather and fetish action. The opening image of a massive dildo being rammed home should give you some idea of what to expect  — spanking, fisting, orgies and more, all presented in a classic grainy ’70s style.

Italians and Other Strangers by Lucas Kazan (lucaskazan.com)

Lucas Kazan always produces loving, artful erotic moving pictures that mix the glorious Italian countryside with some shockingly handsome and well-built men. Italians and Other Strangers sits happily in that company. Yeah, all of his films are kind of the same, but it’s a damn good standard to hold to.

Paradise Found by Buckshot (coltstudiogroup.com)

Four varied men take a vacation at a sumptuous exclusive resort on the coast, run by swanky millionaire Alex Chandler and his seductive, muscle-bound staff. The customer service is second-to-none, providing the guests with everything from a delicious creamy filling to a bondage scenario to true love.

The Porne Ultimatum by Dirty Bird (dirtybirdpictures.com)

Oh come on — like you wouldn’t use that title given the chance. Kaden Saylor plays his action role well with plenty of running and jumping and fake punches. As the hunk with memory loss, he navigates his way through secret agents and innocent strangers with the help of his powerful concealed weapon.

Return to Fire Island by Lucas Entertainment (lucasentertainment.com)

Love him or loathe him, you have to admit that outspoken self-styled smut auteur Michael Lucas does make good porn. After claiming he’d never return to New York’s gay island paradise, he succumbed to its lure and the result is one of the lushest and most luxuriant films of the year. In a gorgeous case, too.

Rio by AMG Brasil (amgbrasil.com)

The caramel-skinned beauties of Brazil chat to the camera about what they like and what they don’t, and then show us something we’ll definitely like. Openly gay Jack Benelli has one of the hottest solo scenes of the year, although that machete does get dangerously close. If nothing else, the movie will definitely increase Brazilian tourism.

Sex Hiker by Black Scorpion

This tale of a horned-up house guest stars three of the most ridiculously sexy men on the planet: Argentine fashion model DO, all-American jock Zack Randall, and blond surfer dude Dallas Reeves. Most men would wait all their lives to score with guys like these, yet Sex Hiker’s performers get paid for it. Bastards.

Skin Deep by Kristen Bjorn (kristenbjorn.com)

“Beauty may be skin deep, but vengeance goes all the way to the bone.” So says the tagline of this two-disc fuckfest, filled with men from all around the world. Each half features at least one multi-man orgy. I guess even when nobody speaks the same tongue, the language of lust will get you through.

To the Last Man by Raging Stallion (ragingstallion.com)

This four-disc epic production features guys getting shot, hanged, raped and generally abused in a variety of gruesome ways, all as part of a violent tale of brutal cowboys fighting over their land. And yes, they have sex too. It’s the Slumdog Millionaire of porn — expect it to sweep.

Unknown by Rascal (channel1releasing.com)

A gorgeously romantic tale of love from beyond the grave, Unknown warmed my heart as well as my pants. Blake Riley plays the heartbroken beauty who loses his lover in a car crash, only to find himself receiving mysterious messages on his phone from an “unknown number.”

Verboten, parts 1 & 2 by Hot House (hothouse.com)

Simple and straight-to-the-point leather sex with a cast of manly muscle-bears and filthy sex pigs. Verboten is not for the faint hearted, as rawhide-clad sub boys are used and abused and enjoy every minute of it. Of particular appeal is Alexy Taylor being filled from both ends by Rafael Alencar and Alex Collack.