In case you haven’t noticed, I have just the teensiest little crush on Anderson Cooper. Nothing major or anything, it’s just that I would do unspeakable things to him until my hoo-ha fell off.
Well, now Anderson Cooper is on Instagram, and I could not be happier. Normally, Instagram can eat a deep-fried dick; no matter how many twee, faux-vintage filters you put on a self-taken iPhone picture, chances are you’re still a duck-faced tramp.
But this is Anderson Cooper we’re talking about. The Silver Fox. He of the journalistic integrity and alarmingly massive biceps and eyes so blue, they say you mustn’t look in them for an hour after eating, else you drown. What I’m saying is he needs to post some dick pics, ay ess ay pee.
Look, I get that Anderson Cooper still has dignity and self-respect, but the least he can do is take a shirtless picture in the bathroom mirror. Maybe an insouciant picture of his tuchus in sepia-tone? Come on — Jake Shears snapped a picture of his ass and put it on Twitter. Be a good sport.
Until that magical day when Anderson Cooper uses Instagram for its intended purpose — artsy naked shots — I guess we’ll just have to make do with random, sporadic shots of him looking broodingly into the came — Holy crap, do you think he uses that gas mask for play? Sploosh.