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Apparently it’s Headless Torso week at Up Your Alley…and the start of Abtastic 2009

…and I had to get in on the action. Apparently, the Kiss and Tell columns are a big hit with most UYA readers. I mean, who doesn't love a headless torso every now and then?

Don't know what I'm talking about? Let me explain because online you'll find many different types, including:

My personal favourite, is the Sideview Headless Torso (see left photo below, usually a one-armed self shot via cellphones and/or point and shoot cameras). Another popular favourite is the Check-Out-My-Sexy-Abs Headless Torso (see photo right)- in my experience, these guys usually don't want to "give the cow away with the milk" (if you know what I mean) so beware before you commit to a dinner date.

Next we have the Homeless Headless Torso:

His worldly possession amass to: one white towel, one pair of disembodied feet (creepy), some gators (also creepy), a pair of goggles for mid-day sexy fountain baths, a newspaper and a high-waisted neon green speedo. I would give this headless torso some change if he asked me for some, mostly because the right side of his chest is significantly more developed than the left…I would also give him a change of underwear.

Next up on the hit list is the I-am-going-to-rub-your-face-all-over-my-manchest Headless Torso: 

Did someone say motorboat? Don't mind if I do…

Another popular offender is the High Camera Angle Headless Torso:

And then there are the Screaming Headless Torsos, who I don't particularly care for – avoid dating one (especially the guy in the Footlocker uniform).

Last but not least, there is my headless torso, which I'm posting here to mark the start of Abtastic 2009:

And <insert blood curdling scream here> the dreaded side view:

I'm keeping good on my New Year's Resolution #1 and starting LL Cool J's platinum work out on Monday to see if it's possible to lose the one-pack that has haunted me for the past 5 years . Check back every Friday for an update. Wish me luck and enjoy your weekend.

(Special thanks to MadeinBrazil