I’m pear shaped. If I were to fall, I would, like a bowling pin, spin round and round, my head in the centre and my wider end on the outside. With any luck that will never happen, or if it does, I hope it’s not in a crowded room — my little arms hopelessly trying to gain purchase on a table leg to stop my spinning, while everyone laughs and claps.
What I’m saying is that I’m chubby. And while I don’t hate my body — I don’t think my chubbiness makes me inferior in any way, and I certainly have no strong opinions on the chubbiness of others — I would like to lose some weight and gain a bit of muscle and flexibility. To that end, I’m beginning a four-month fitness campaign with Evolution Fitness at 101 Yorkville Ave.
One recent snowy afternoon I trudged over to the gym for my initial consultation with Evolution owner Conor Kelly. I was braced for the usual Yorkville snobbery, but Kelly was very personable and down-to-earth. We discussed my sedentary lifestyle — I spend most of my time writing; I’m one of Xtra’s two History Boys columnists — and the distressing pear shape it has created, and he outlined what I should expect in the coming months with Evolution.
Not only will I have unfettered gym access, but I’ll have two sessions with a personal trainer every week (I’m particularly looking forward to she whom they call the Mistress of Pain) and time with a nutritionist (the aptly named Dr Abs). I’ll have to get used to preparing food in advance so that I have the ingredients to a good meal sitting in the fridge (to help me avoid quick, unhealthy snacks), visiting the gym at least three times a week, and varying my workouts so that I don’t plateau.
I don’t usually take myself very seriously, and with the help of this odd cast of characters I’m planning on having some fun getting into shape and will be reporting on my experiences regularly in Xtra. With any luck, by the end of this project I’ll be a different kind of fruit.