Religion
1 min

Braaaaaaains!

Well, none in the Saskatchewan government anyway, as they seek to arbitrarily decide when and how a couple gets married, based on the "religious beliefs" of the clerk.  If he or she finds you icky, no marriage for you!

I for one applaud this move toward religious sensitivity — as a Catholic, my religion was founded on the sacrament of eating the body and blood of another.  That's why I'm proposing new legislation that, if passed, will allow me to live as a zombie!

Why should I let your squeamish secular obsession with "human rights" stand in the way of my personal religion and eternal desire for sweet, sweet flesh? As goes Saskatchewan, so goes the nation!

And speaking of gay zombies, thousands of people will descend on the Staples Centre in Los Angeles today for the Michael Jackson memorial — or, at least, those who don't stop by Stockton first to pray to his image in a tree stump!

Me, I'd rather find gay sex on an antique coin — and hey, I have!

As this saucy item from the Roman era is worth approximately $13,500, that'll buy me enough cow brains from the local butcher to tide me over until my proposed law passes. 

Thanks, Saskatchewan!