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Cher will be in the house

Chaz was on the chopping block on Dancing with the Stars this week, after receiving low scores for the second week in a row. But thanks to his mama, who tweeted, “God hope Chaz holds on till next week so I can come sit in the Audience & Watch,” voters pulled through and Chaz will be back for another dance!

First of all, Cher is the cutest tweeter in the universe. I love how she puts unnecessary spaces between words and exclamation marks, and randomly capitalizes certain words for no apparent reason. She may look like she could be my sister, but the bitch types like my grandma!

After finding out he’d be back for another week, Chaz tweeted (slightly more sensibly), “This is the most amazing experience. #SAFE #DWTS… I wish I could thank each & every one of you personally for your votes. YOU are the reason @LaceySchwimmer & I are DANCING AGAIN next week!!"

I think the real reason, dear Chaz, is that all the gays hoping to get Cher in the audience were voting maniacally with their new iPhone 5 iPhone 4S. Okay, let’s digress for just a second: my Facebook feed was exploding with iPhone posts yesterday. You crazy mofos were more excited about a new phone than I would be over a bucket full of diamonds floating in vodka. 

Anyway, the point of all this is that Cher will be sitting on her throne in the audience this week, which means at long last there will be an actual star on Dancing with the Stars!

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