Before we go any further: SPOILER ALERT. I mean it. If, like me, you were planning on going to see ParaNorman tomorrow and you don’t want to have anything ruined, now would be an awesome time to just put this off until after you see the movie.
Anyway, if you’re still reading, apparently the stop-motion kids movie ParaNorman — ONCE AGAIN, SPOILER ALERTS: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK — has a gay character, a stereotypical muscle jock who happens to have a boyfriend. From what I hear, the guy’s likeable, doesn’t bully or harm any of the other characters, and is generally a pretty sweet guy.
But of course, Nancy French from Patheos knows full well that “likeable” and “harmless” are just tricks the dirty homos use to trick kids into . . . I don’t know, turn gay, I guess? This is a very special kind of crazy the likes of which we can’t comprehend. Regardless, listen to her diatribe and see if you can make sense of it.
However, the second scene involves one of the subplots. Norman’s sister has a crush on a kid she tries desperately to impress throughout the movie. After she fails to turn his head, she finally asks him out.
“Sure,” he responds. “You’re gonna love my boyfriend. He’s like a total chick-flick nut.”
My friend saw the film in a “red state” and she reported that “you could hear the gasps in the theatre from parents” at the unexpected line. “I should have known something was up when the theatre manager made a huge disclaimer and offered refunds if we did not like the movie,” she wrote.
This line might not raise parental eyebrows in larger cities, but I thought I’d let parents know about this sexual orientation “reveal” at the end in case you want to avoid these types of conversations in the car on the way home.
Yes, you could have a logical, rational discussion with your kids about how some people are different, or you could make everyone else live a lie because you can’t be bothered to parent your freaking kids. I don’t know about you guys, but that second option sounds mighty tantalizing.
Also, did anyone else notice that Miss Nancy French had no problem with the character in question until she found out he was gay? Look, honey, if you’re willing to completely disregard a person’s character because all you can think about is the fact that he’s gay, that’s your goddamn problem.