God help you if you are a man and choose to express any sort of emotion beyond “Grrr” and “Ungh” in front of Christie Blatchford. Blatchford, who’s back in Toronto now after an extended stay in her hometown of R’lyeh, was welcomed back to TO by the sight of a group of 10-year-old boys greeting each other with friendly hugs. This so infuriated her that she wrote an entire op-ed about how Toronto is a “City of Sissies.” Her crazy, crazy words, not mine.
First off, you have to love how she’s so far around the bend that her reaction upon seeing little kids hugging is “WHAT?! HUGS?! YOU FOOLS! SPILL THE WEAKLINGS’ BLOOD UPON THE GROUND AS A SACRIFICE TO CTHULHU! THE TIME OF THE OLDE ONES DRAWS NIGH! SKREEEEEEEEE!!!” Second, it’s hard to take traditional gender-role advice from someone who looks like a Skeksis.
Listen up, because I’m only going to say this once: the ability to express things other than “MEAT! FUCKING! KILL!” doesn’t mean you’re not a man. It means you’re a human being. Yes, men feel things and we’re getting to a point where they’re free to show how they feel. Who gives a shit? That’s what people are supposed to do. People are inherently social creatures, and this is how people communicate now that we’ve moved past grunting and cave paintings.
But you know what? I can only bitchslap someone in a textual fashion for so long. So I’m just going to set myself up for the landing with this quote from Blatchford’s article:
And the novelty of being the toughest guy in the room – and by this I mean me – is getting really old.
You’re not the toughest man in the room, Christie. Just the douchiest.