Blogs & Columns
3 min

Cocked & Loaded to tide you over?

Gotta be a tease. Just waiting on some photos for Abtastic this week. So for those of you who don't get Xtra West, here's my column that covered the Gay Top Model finale and a photo of me and the winner Calan Breckon (photo by Brandon Gaukel). And a shot of me entertaining the crowd at Celebrities, doing what I do best (photographer unknown).Yeah. I know. Pretty tragic. Apparently you can dress me up but can't take me anywhere.



Cocked
& Loaded

Maybe I should blame it on a friend of mine
asking if I’d be willing to be a promotional model for Sailor Jerry Rum.

Or maybe I’ve never been the same since Bad
March ‘09 Date #3 whispered “prepare to be boarded” in my ear before leaning in
for a kiss, tongue already snaking out of his mouth.

Most likely, it was seeing Lady Gaga
perform on American Idol wearing a
zippered eye patch and the accompanying “sick” that followed as phrases like to
err is human, to arr is pirate completely
hornswaggled my zero-brain-activity reality TV time.

Which brings me to my point. (And I’m sure
you’re as surprised as I am that there actually is one.)

On my way to the Vancouver’s Next Gay Top
Model 2009 finale the other night, I got to thinking: is pirate making a come
back…AGAIN?

Judging by the contestants’ formal evening
wear attire show and numerous on-stage underwear parties, I am happy to report
that pirate did not make a comeback at Celebrities Nightclub on April 2 for the
last event of VNGTM 2009.  However, I do
feel obliged to point out that if I see any of you wearing puffy,
frilly-fronted white shirts and/or buckled shoes, I will have to cut you in the
face.

That’s pretty much a direct order from Karl
Lagerfeld.

I’m sorry.

As for the finale itself, having not seen
or attended any of last year’s events, I wasn’t sure what Terry Costa and the
Mirateca gang were going to were going to deliver. Would there be sexy tickle
fights? Would the organizers splurge on a chocolate fondue fountain? Would last
year’s handsome AND charming winner Aaron Ursacki refuse to relinquish his
crown and hit this year’s winner in the face with a red rose bouquet?

The answer to all those questions, to my
immense disappointment, turned out to be no.

Sadly, no die-hard fans took the 80s rock
concert approach and threw underwear at their favourite contestants either,
though I believe the thought did cross my mind approximately 1.5 times over the
course of the evening.

The good news: in its second year,
Vancouver’s Gay Top Model event is still a knock out. Outside of WinterPRIDE, I
can’t think of another locally-owned and locally-run event that attempts to
showcase this community over such a long period of time – the first auditions
were held at the beginning of January and teaser events have happened every
couple weeks since then.

This year’s show also had some star draw – Toronto
personality Mathieu Chantelois hosted and I’m happy to report that the
ever-popular Charlie David redeemed himself in my eyes by bringing some much
needed stage presence and celebrity power to the show.

Congratulations to Calan for winning this
year’s competition and to all the other contestants who were willing to step
out into the community spotlight.

Although my pina colada budget has been
blown for the month, these should keep you busy over the next couple weeks:

Brit-Brit is in town WED APR
8
and a gaggle of clubs are hosting after parties. I have it on good
authority from the saucy and delightful Raye Sunshine that Celebrities
Nightclub’s Britney Spears Concert After
Party & Showgirl Circus
is not to be missed.

 

On SAT APR 18, drop by
Rhizome Café for the Fist of the Spider Woman: Tales of Fear and Queer
Desire 
launch. Some great
authors will be reading new queer women’s horror erotica. Doors open at 7pm.

Make sure to check the listings in this edition closely – there are
a lot of interesting parties coming this month.