Toronto Diary
1 min

Completely rational individual blames Russian meteor strike on gays

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: super bad thing happens. Scientific community looks into it and discovers the root of the problem. Lone irrational homophobe says, “FUCK THAT!” and then blames it on the gays.

As you might remember, back in February a meteor struck Chelyabinsk, Russia, causing the internet to collectively shit itself. Think about it: space rocks could potentially fall from the sky and kill us all at any moment and we’d have no way to stop or predict it. That’s terrifying. But I digress.

Anyway, Russian journalist/apparent astrophysicist Arkady Mamontov blamed the meteor on Russia’s growing gay population, which . . . Really, every part of that is wrong; it’s mostly a matter of figuring which part is the most wrong: that Russia’s LGBT population is thriving, that they can control extraterrestrial material, or that Mamontov should be paid to make thoughts happen.

According to rt.com, Mamontov told viewers of Rossiya 1 that “we should keep the family tradition, traditional love, or else something else — not only the Chelyabinsk meteorite — will hit us.” For you see, meteors are big proponents of family values and will proudly slam themselves against any city they deem “too gay.” Science.

Once again, and it pains me that I have to say this multiple times if at all, the LGBT community has approximately zero sway over weather patterns or natural disasters. Shit happens, and there’s no real reason for it. We’re all specks clinging to a ball made of dirt and water and air flying through space at 108,000 kilometres per hour. The idea that meteors would slam into us because there are too many gays in Russia is preposterous bordering on delusional.

That being said, outer space is still pretty cool on its own.

[Via The Wertzone]