Conservatives everywhere

Every time the government survives another confidence vote I breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve been dreading an election like gym class in high school. I’m still hoping to wake up next to Susanne Pleshette and find out this was just a dream.

If you’re trying to imagine what a Conservative majority would look like, all you have to do is turn on CBC. A day doesn’t go by without some red-faced Conservative pundit advocating less government where we need it and more where we don’t.

Some days I’m not sure if I’m watching CBC or CNN.

Take Bill C-10. If passed, it would allow the government to revoke tax credits for movies and TV shows deemed “contrary to public interest.”

The government says it’s to prevent giving credits to films that break the Criminal Code. The pundits proselytize it’s to prevent giving taxpayers’ dollars to movies like Breakfast With Scot, which they claim is about “a gay couple raising a child to be a homosexual.”

I could hear the knots in my shoulders popping like popcorn; my cup of coffee quivered like a Chihuahua. This is why I shouldn’t turn on the news first thing in the morning.

That same week, CTV aired a commercial by Life Productions, an online evangelical ministry. A man fresh from the brainwashing machine approaches the camera and says, “You hear a lot about gay marriage, gay rights and the gay lifestyle being taught in public schools to our children.”

Again with the children.

“What many who are struggling with homosexuality don’t realize and seldom hear is that they can change. I should know, for 13 years I used to be one.”

Honey, if that salt and pepper hair of yours is any indication, you’ve been gay longer than 13 years.

Then there was an article in the Globe and Mail about an exhibit on Darwinism that struggled to find corporate sponsorship because it’s “such a hot button issue.” When did Darwinism become a hot button issue? I was taught Darwinism in Catholic school! Genesis was taught with a wink and a nudge.

Pundits speaking on behalf of the government; censorship; homophobic ad campaigns; Intelligent Design… I feel like I’ve been here before. Oh that’s right, this is why I left the States. All that’s left is for Stockwell Day to shoot someone in the face.

For two years I’ve lived in fear of a Conservative majority and, dare I say it, a Conservative West End — but we are Blanche! We are!

It’s time to bring down the government and let the chips fall where they may. It’s time we found out once and for all if Canada’s values aren’t really America’s.