Arts & Entertainment
3 min

Dear 2008

Wishes and reflections on a queer new year

Is it just me or did 2007 pass by quicker than a barfly dancing the night away with tina?

It kind of felt like nothing of any real substance happened. Either that, or my dealer had some killer chronic.

Regardless, welcome to 2008, I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride so far.

What treats does 2008 have in store for us? I certainly have my own wants, hopes, dreams, wishes and desires. Since I am in such a sharing mood, I’m going to offer you a sneak peek at my list. Please try not to pee yourself with excitement. Unless of course you’re into that sort of thing.

Dear 2008,

Family

According to Stats Canada, last year gay and lesbian marriages made up 3.5 percent of all marriages in BC. But gay and lesbian divorces only accounted for a measly .5 percent of the province’s divorces. We can do better than this, people!

Every one of us will agree that no one fights quite like a couple of drunk, angry and sexless twinks. Why are we letting the straight divorced couples of the world be the only ones wallowing in failure and self-pity?

I’m so committed to this cause that I am willing to serve my husband with papers right now.

Okay, well, not really.

Have you seen me, people? I’m lucky enough to have one dumb ass willing to marry me, I know a good thing when I’ve got it and this one ain’t half bad.

But for those of you out there wavering, it is your gay-god-given right to divorce. So why not show the straighties that we can screw up our relationships just as much as they can?

Seriously though, this upcoming year will be very family focused for me. As my daughter starts to mature and become more of a little woman, I can’t help but take great joy in how her generation is growing up more tolerant of people’s differences. It’s a great feeling knowing that the ability to raise children in a hate free environment is not only possible, it is happening.

Pride

I know a lot of people complained that Pride was very corporate last year, but personally I don’t think it was as bad as everyone made it out to be.

I’ve been to Pride in other large cities, like San Francisco and Toronto. They put on great events, but I have to admit they’re filled with more ‘gays are great’ corporate advertising than a Cher Farewell Tour.

Now, we can all see Vancouver Pride potentially going in that direction but I still think we are a few years away from kicking PFLAG out of the parade so we can have McDonald’s unveil its newest gay-friendly hamburger.

I also think that if the parade ever reaches a point where it’s just one corporate float after another, we are a bitchy enough group of folks that it won’t happen more than once.

Vancouver Pride can always improve and grow. My only wish is that it continues to promote community involvement and celebrate the vast and eclectic group of people we are. But maybe cut down on all the leather; it’s a little creepy and I’d like to bring my daughter this year.

Sex

Finally, I would like to address the problems growing in the shadows of our community.

For too long Stanley Park and the bathhouses have been having all the fun. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take cruising mainstream?

Why do we banish people to make love to each other in the bushes and bathroom stalls? Wouldn’t they be more comfortable just humping next to Stepho’s?

Let’s take the cottaging out of the bathroom stalls of the world and into the lineups at the bank.

Some might say, why in 2008 with all the powers of the internet and the ability to meet people would one want to have sex in public with a stranger? Well, why not? It’s not like anybody is using the park at night anyways.

Of course I have no authority on this as I am someone who has never cruised, other than at my friend Dustin’s house. And even then, it’s usually just the two of us.

Thanks for listening, 2008. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

As we wish each other a happy new year and embark on our own journeys for the coming months, I encourage you all to try to give back to your community. There are many ways each of us can help build a stronger, more united society.

Obviously, we prefer the ‘reach out and fuck someone’ method and it seems to be doing the trick so far. But try to remember to be safe when you’re reaching out.

Now go pour yourself a martini and drink to a happy, peaceful and free 2008.

What’s Hot

Public Nudity
Cats
The I-Phone
Chuck Norris
Perezhilton.com
Apple Juice
Bette Midler
PVRs
Pee
Darcy Michael

What’s Not

Meth
3 Ring Binders
The I-Stapler
Chuck Norris
Terrorism
Expired Milk
Death
8-tracks
Ice
You know who you are.