Toronto Diary
3 min

Dear Rob Ford: Calm your ass down, sweet’ums

It’s taken me a while to adequately jump onto the “Rob Ford vs Daniel Dale” story, mostly for two reasons: first, I wanted to wait a little while for details to emerge before I started slinging jokes around willy-nilly. Second, I didn’t want to mock Ford too fervently. It helps to keep a level head when making jokes on the internet.

Here’s the updated story as far as I know: Toronto Star reporter Daniel Dale (quick side note here: that is the most mild-mannered alter-ego name ever. How is this guy NOT secretly a Marvel comics character?) was allegedly investigating a story about Ford trying to purchase public property by looking around said land. Ford saw him, assumed that Dale was spying on him, and . . . Well, according to both Dale and Ford, this is what went down:

He is absolutely right that he had me “like a cornered rat” on the land behind his backyard. He is absolutely right that I shouted for help repeatedly. He is absolutely right that I repeatedly asked him not to punch me. He is absolutely right that I dropped my phone and digital recorder on the ground. And he is absolutely right that I eventually took off running.

And oh look, it gets even better: Ford apparently used the phone he allegedly scared off of Dale, which could constitute a crime. (Via the National Post)

The Star obtained phone records that showed someone made a call on Mr Dale’s Blackberry at 8:37pm to Robert Andreacchi, Councillor Maria Augimeri’s executive assistant. Mr Dale had called the assistant earlier that day.

Toronto police told the Star they did not search Mr Dale’s phone, as they would need a warrant to do so. Police also said the battery was partly charged when they received it, although Mr Dale said it was dead when he dropped it. 

Look, I understand that Ford may have felt he was being spied on and that he’s fully entitled to his privacy. That being said, if you want someone to get off your land, there are better ways to go about it than charging gung-ho at a guy whose only weapon is a cellphone. What, are you afraid he’s going to slowly radiate your brain to death?

This isn’t about Ford’s ideology, or his point of view, or anything other than the fact that this kind of conduct is not becoming of a representative of Toronto. I don’t think highly of Ford as a mayor, and it has less to do with his politics and more to do with his willingness to put himself in these kinds of situations. If voters elect you to office as a representative of the city, it’s your responsibility to be level-headed and not get into, as Latrice Royale would call it, “rumpus room shenanigans."

Like it or not, Mayor Ford, your position of power comes with responsibility. YOU are a representation of Toronto. And shit like this is a terrible way to represent the people who gave you your position. You’re supposed to be better than this. Even if the guy was infringing on your territory, charging angrily into a situation without thinking of the consequences instead of following the proper procedures (calmly questioning his actions, asking him to leave, calling for help) only makes the city you claim to speak for look bad.

All I’m saying is learn to calm yourself down and cut the macho big-guy bullshit. No one wants a mayor who kowtows to his id at the drop of a hat. 

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