Toronto Diary
3 min

Don Cherry wants some head

I have one general rule when it comes to talking heads: you reap what you sow. Which means if you take a crazy person, give him a podium and hand him a bag of money to make him say crazy shit, then guess what? You will get crazy. Lots and lots of crazy. And you might not be able to stem the tide.

Case in point: Don Cherry unleashed a stream of crazy on a segment of Coach’s Corner and now everyone is just shocked (SHOCKED, I SAY!) that he would do such a thing.

First off: when did Uncle Gropey get a cotton candy machine in his masturbatorium? Second, yes, it is pretty bad that he would call hockey players pukes and hypocrites because they don’t want to put themselves at risk of permanent brain damage and addictions to painkillers, especially when you consider that in any other sport, a blow to the head would result in some serious penalization.

And now to play devil’s advocate: who the hell didn’t see this one coming? Don Cherry is so old, his first gig was providing colour commentary for jousting tourneys. He’s been professionally insane for so long he has to preface every conversation he has with the phrase “I am standing behind you with a knife.” Combine these two things, and of course Don Cherry will be irresponsibly crazy on TV.

He has millions of dollars and is but one heartbeat away from dying underneath a hooker; he just wants to see a grown man receive permanent neurological damage one last time! He’s like a Make-A-Wish kid! A really old Make-A-Wish kid who happens to dress like Rainbow Brite’s pimp.

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