Okay, for the sake of total clarity here? I’ve never eaten at Chick-fil-A. Ever. That’s not a moral thing, either. Whenever I’m in LA, I never find the time to go. Also, everyone knows that Popeyes is SO MUCH BETTER. Just ask any drag queen.
Speaking of drag queens, the team of Detox Icunt, Vicky Vox and RuPaul’s Drag Race’s own Willam (!) put together a parody of Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On,” and here’s what I took away from it all.
- Waffle fries are a delicious affront to our lord and saviour, the invisible bearded giant who lives in the sky. Seriously, nothing you tell me will ever convince me that potatoes are meant to look like that. Everyone knows that fries are supposed to be straight because JESUS AND 9/11 AND AND FREE BIRD AND FUCKIN’ MURIKA!!!
- As much as I hate mid-song rap breaks (Pink’s “Fuckin’ Perfect” was a great song up until she started in with the white-girl rap. Then . . . not so much.) That being said, I really do not mind it here. I kinda like it actually.
- There is a direct correlation between how tasty and greasy your food is and the likelihood that your ass will turn into a burning pit of eternal hellfire within 24 hours. I call it the Taco Bell Effect.
- Willam looks gorgeous! The makeup around her jaw line is on point, which I appreciate, and she just looks really good. Also, if you’re watching Drag Race tonight, keep an eye on her. She’ll be having an interesting night to say the least.
- If you use your money to fund nutjobs, bigots and fuckwits, don’t be surprised when people stop giving you the money to do so, Chick-fil-A. I mean for God’s sake, you’re funding a guy who wants to wage war on porn. WAR. ON. PORNOGRAPHY. Congratulations, Santorum. You’ve finally found a more unpopular and unwinnable war against an intangible foe than the war on drugs. So yes, eat a deep-fried dick, Chick-fil-A. Popeyes is way better than you.