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Elton John wants Justin Timberlake

Elton John has announced that he’d like the former Nsync’er to star as him in his tentatively titled Rocket Man bio pic. Naturally. Justin already dressed up in Elton drag for the “This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore” music video, and he pulled it off. I’m all for casting good-looking people to play not-so-good-looking people. No one wants to see the truth. Despite being a more accurate depiction of Elton John, a fire-crotch troll wouldn’t be as marketable. Shit. I was going to start 2012 less acrimoniously. But since I’ve been doped up on Benylin since last fucking year, I think I’ve earned the right to be a little bit of a cunt. Just to put things into perspective, I’m so swollen I look like I just had a Restylane binge. My nose is plugged, and I’m breathing like Michael Jackson after his 15th rhino.

Lee Hall, who wrote Billy Elliot, has penned the script, and according to Elton, it will be a “jukebox musical. It’s a surreal look at my life, and not just a factual look at my life, more in the manor of Moulin Rouge. I just don’t want it to be a normal biopic because my life hasn’t been like that. And it only goes up to when I go into rehab in 1990. It starts when I go into rehab and ends when I come out."

Wait, Justin is playing Elton in 1990?! Carrie Fisher would be a more suitable choice, no?

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