Toronto Diary
6 min

Every pop song from 2011 (in five minutes)

A couple things I picked up from this year’s DJ Earworm end-of-the-year mashup, “World Go Boom":

First, no more pop songs about the apocalypse. I touched on this briefly with Todd Klinck last time we spoke, but something about 2011 gave everyone a huge boner for the end of the world. I know we’ve raised a generation of narcissistic nihilists (read: a bunch of kids jaded enough to think the world is ending and self-absorbed enough to think it’ll happen in their lifetime), but enough of this shit, please. Just because the Mayans sat down and realized you can only plan so far ahead when it came to making calendars doesn’t mean the world is going to blow up. My Titan Men calendar wrapped up on Dec 31, but that doesn’t equal the apocalypse. Also: you’re believing spiritual prophecies. Look how well that turned out for those May 21 assholes.

Second: Jesus Christ, Katy Perry. I know she has some sweet knockers, people, but not every one of her songs needs to be a #1 single.

Thirdly, Adele is still the best mainstream singer alive, and nothing anyone says will ever change that for me.

Fourthly (is that even a word? Probably not), Bruno Mars looks like a Boston terrier, and all his songs are the musical equivalent of vanilla paste served with a mayonnaise sandwich on white bread with the crusts cut off.

And now, let’s all bid adieu to DJ Earworm, who we’ll see again this time in 2012 after that whole fake-apocalypse bullshit blows over.  

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