I’d been chasing Tony, a stripper from Remington’s in Toronto, for months. I thought that if I was respectful he’d fall for me.
Instead, when I brought my friend Dale with me one Saturday, Tony was all over him. Tony even gave him a free private dance and wanted to take him home.
The thing was, Dale didn’t like Tony but Dale and I had dated once and he still had feelings for me. Jokingly (but not), I suggested that we have a threesome. I had a few shots of tequila by this point so it seemed like a smart idea.
“Would you really have a threesome?” Dale asked.
“Why not?” I said. “But he obviously has to agree too.”
Dale disappeared into the club to find Tony. “He really is a piece of work,” he said when he returned.
“Did you ask him?”
“He wouldn’t stop grabbing me.”
“But did you ask him?”
“He said he’d come back with us.”
“To have sex?”
He laughed. “Yes, yes. Don’t worry.”
At about 1am, Tony came by, fully dressed. “Are we going?” he asked.
“Dale told you that we’re going back to my place?” I said.
“Yeah. Sounds like fun.”
As we walked down Yonge Street, Tony told Dale about his bodybuilding aspirations in an effort to impress him. Dale seemed dismissive though, interrupting to ask if I had things like beer, clean towels, or snacks at home. He was hungry. It didn’t stop Tony, from going on about his workout regimen and diet.
After wanting Tony for so long, it was surreal to actually have him in my place. I wanted to be happy about it but it just felt awkward, given the circumstances.
I grabbed beers for the three of us while Dale went into the bathroom. I thought he was just using the toilet, but then the shower turned on.
“Is he showering?” I asked, handing Tony a beer.
“I don’t know,” he said.
I shook my head. “Um, what do you want to listen to?”
“Oh!” He handed me the CD of some British death metal band that he carried around with him, which I put on. Tony turned it up even louder, just as Dale came out of the bathroom in a towel. Yes, certainly not how I imagined it.
Tony sat on the opposite end of the couch and started head banging subtly to the music while mouthing the words. You could tell that Dale was having none of it; the music seemed to be irritating him.
I felt like it was on Dale to make the first move since he had negotiated all this. But, he just played with his cellphone silently, so I started asking questions about the band we were listening to, and we talked about it for a few minutes.
When I looked back over at Dale, he’d fallen asleep. There was no way though; the music was far too loud. “Dale? Dale? Get up!” He wouldn’t, even when I shook him. “Unbelievable,” I said. Thing was, I knew that he was faking it. I could just tell.
Tony noticed and smiled, acting like it wasn’t a big deal. He started telling me about some other metal bands that he liked, but seemed nervous. I realized then that Dale hadn’t told him about the threesome. He probably just thought we were going to hang out.
When he finished his beer, Tony said that he was tired. I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew he shouldn’t have been here in the first place. Dale woke up immediately after Tony left, and I just kicked him out without even asking for an explanation. I was annoyed and tired.
They say that nice guys finish last, but that’s just as silly as saying that you should never date a stripper. Nice guys can do just fine sometimes, and sometimes not. At the end of the day, I still think that Tony was a genuine guy — he just wasn’t interested in me.
I didn’t go back to Remington’s for a while, but when I finally did, Tony no longer worked there. I never saw him again.