Vancouver
2 min

Farewell, so long

A retrospective idea montage

A single column of type in a newspaper is paradoxical in nature.

On the one hand, it’s a small space, both in terms of the rigid constraints of word count and also the amount of refrigerator door real estate it takes up as a clipping.

On the other hand, a column is an enormous space; a space where a writer can squeeze any number of rather plump, juicy and somewhat oversized ideas, and share them with many thousands of readers.

Today I’m going to fit a very simple idea into this space. After four years of impassioned scribbling, this is my final monthly Slap & Tickle column for Xtra West.

And since such a simple idea leaves room left over, I’m going to amuse myself, and hopefully everyone else, with a farewell retrospective idea montage. Ready? Four years of big ideas squished into small spaces; here we go.

Our chosen families and our queer and kinky communities are some of the best things we’ve got in life. Cherish ’em.

Given a choice between building something better, and tearing something down, choose to build.

Keep the magic in your life. Bondage can be the most freeing feeling. Kinky sex is good for your health. Beware those who try to decide for you; fundamentalists are the enemies of freedom.

Giggles are encouraged. If we’re kinky in leather, we’re just as kinky in cotton. Marks from playing are sexy. Your hottest fantasy player is right now blowing his nose.

There is no One True Pervert. Protocol is sometimes another word for peer pressure. Recognize a power trip when you see it-or do it.

Courtesy soothes the soul. Today’s newbies are tomorrow’s experts.

Know what you want and how to ask for it. Don’t be afraid of emotions or extremes.

Gender is a sex toy. Vanilla sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

Have some kinky sex-then talk about it over the water cooler.

Live life with no closets and precious little drapery.

A responsible adult is an authorized user of filthy fantasy and perverted queer pornography.

Censorship sucks.

No makes yes more meaningful.

Even when your libido slams shut, let your mind stay open.

“Who’s more kinky” is not a valid competition.

If playing doesn’t mean having fun, then I’m taking my bat and my ballgag and going home.

It’s been swell writing for this newspaper, and you, the reader. If you have any comments I’d love to hear them, and can be reached at elaine@elainemiller.com.