5. Because we love a man with a beard:
4. Because there are so many queens ready to jump on that greased lightning. Don't even act like you're not out there! So, okay, they might actually have to play Grease and stare at the screen the whole time. Which shouldn't be a problem, since at three in the morning on a Saturday night many gays see this:
3. Your former assistant, Joan Edwards, who has exposed one of your alleged long-term gay affairs, is living as a drag queen in Vancouver . . . If you came out, you could be as busy as Joan-E! And don't act like you don't need the work:
2. We're all with you on the pilot thing, honey.
1. Because you can have happy endings not only while getting a massage, but at the gym, beach and Starbucks, if you're at Davie and Thurlow at the right time.