Dear Dr Ren,
I’ve read your last few columns about men’s ejaculation problems, prompting me to ask you about the issue I am experiencing with my girlfriend. We’ve been together since university and are both happy with our sex life. About a year ago, we experimented with more intense stimulation and my girlfriend began ejaculating.
I love being able to please my partner and want her to enjoy all the sex we have, but I hate it when she squirts all over, especially if I’ve got my face in the way. I know this isn’t pee (right?), but I still feel repulsed. It’s messy, sometimes foul tasting, and makes cuddling afterward uncomfortable because of the big wet spot.
I want our sex to continue being expansive, but I need to get past this discomfort. Suggestions?
—Hot, But Wet
Dear Hot, But Wet,
Congratulations on your ever-expanding sex lives! Not surprising that female ejaculation, or G-spot ejaculations, are part of that enrichment.
We’ve known about the G-spot, named for Dr Ernst Gräfenberg, since the 1940s, but it wasn’t until the early 1980s that another team of sexologists published The G Spot, explaining its physiology and how it produces fluid during orgasm in some women. Even more recently, from within the lesbian community, where sensitive fingers probed and encouraged unbridled sexual release, the “secret” emerged into public discourse.
This orgasm is different from the others we experience. It is not like our fast, direct, vibrator-induced quickies, nor like the long, hard-won climaxes when cunnilingus is done just right, nor like the slow, sensuous climbing of a long evening of pleasure. These G-spot orgasms shriek pleasure, trust and carnal power.
Research confirms we are not peeing, but rather releasing a clear, odorless liquid saturated with the chemicals of arousal and strikingly similar to men’s prostatic fluid. Some of it is released from the paraurethral glands that routinely produce vaginal lubrication and some comes from the bladder (in a chemically altered form of urine).
Its sometimes unpleasant taste results from what you’ve been eating and drinking beforehand or from medications. Foods containing oxalic acid — including spinach, beet greens and chocolate — can make body fluid smell quite strong, as can asparagus, hard alcohol and coffee. Avoid these before your dates or drink extra water to dilute their effect.
You can avoid getting a faceful of your lover’s cum by remaining alert to her arousal level and, when you see her beginning to clamp down, repositioning yourself without unduly changing your rhythm. Once out of the way, you can enjoy your girlfriend’s explosive pleasure.
This leads me to a note about setting up for success.
Before sex play begins, institute a “ritual” of bed making that includes laying down large sheets of flannel-backed rubber sheeting covered by soft flannel sheets.
The sheeting can be found in some (you’ll have to search) fabric stores by the yard or metre, sold for cribs as mattress protection. It is generally sold in 45-inch widths, wide enough to protect your mattress. It lasts forever.
As to the flannel sheets, they are more absorbent and softer to the skin than cotton. Cut in half longitudinally, each piece will cover the bed and tuck in to anchor the rubber sheeting. You needn’t “make” the whole bed, and the layers strip off quickly. No one has to sleep in the wet spot again!
Having such a system removes the “eeww” factor and welcomes back erotic elements into your play.
Sex can indeed be messy, loud and sometimes even embarrassing. Though you may not be thrilled with everything that happens during your most intense moments of vulnerability and transparency, those peak experiences are often the conduit to the best intimacy. A little bit of practical manoeuvring and a dose of good humour will enable you to progress to the best sex of your lives.