Scientifically speaking, chimps and apes are the animals biologically closest to us, unless you’re from Kansas, in which case all monkeys were made in the space of a week by Jesus Christ. But I submit to you that the animal closest to gay men is, in fact, the penguin. Because when you get two gay male penguins together and allow them to raise a child together, the results are surprisingly humanlike.
According to The Telegraph, a pair of gay male penguins at the Wingham Wildlife Park in Canterbury, Kent, named Kermit and Jumbs have amazed their zookeepers by successfully hatching and raising a chick together.
The family has been closely monitored by zookeepers to ensure that the baby is healthy. As the Wingham’s owner, Tony Binskin, explained to The Telegraph, “At first we were apprehensive and prepared to go in and remove the baby or assist the new foster parents by supplementing their feed . . . But all we have had to do was to take the chick out once a day to weigh it to ensure that it is growing as it should.”
And just to prove how much penguins are like people, Kermit and Jumbs’s baby helped them stop fighting. Yes, their relationship problems were actually solved by having a baby. My god . . .
But in all seriousness, this is great for us. How often do homophobes try to disparage gay parents by claiming that it’s not natural or that it negatively affects children? Well, here’s another piece of evidence that gay parenting regularly happens in nature and that the child is just as well adjusted as anyone else.