Not content with merely having one song to a video, Lady Gaga has incorporated four songs into a seven-minute epic tale of . . . something (plus a five-minute credit reel). For clarity’s sake, we’ll take Vevo’s suggestion that this is a video for “GUY” — not that it helps discern anything. It wouldn’t be a Gaga video without a plethora of double-yew-tee-eff moments, but let’s just take a gander at the most bewildering:
Gaga is a fallen bird, and men in suits are the culprits. Maybe it’s a message about capitalism? But it’s okay, because the cult of high fashion rescues her and puts a six-foot-long white weave on her. Hurray!
This video is also brought to you by Bravo. It isn’t, but you wouldn’t be able to tell: look at all the real housewives of Beverly Hills. They’re (poorly, hilariously) playing instruments, while benevolent deity Andy Cohen smiles down on Our Lady Gaga.
There is some kind of heist taking place (revenge heist, perhaps?), but again, there isn’t any clue why this is going on. Business is bad. Down with capitalism; now watch our real housewives prance around!
Gaga plays Minecraft and . . . resurrects Michael Jackson, Jesus and Gandhi? I can’t.
Despite one great Showgirls-esque outfit and some mini-mascot get-ups, Gaga looks shockingly — dare it be said? — normal. You can see her face clearly in almost every shot, which must be something of a first for a Gaga clip. Maybe the video is all a grand thesis on aestheticism, and Oscar Wilde is nodding his head from gay heaven.
Or maybe it’s just weird for weird’s sake.