Human Interest
1 min

Happy Heterosexual Pride Day!

Or, as they call it, the Super Bowl.  It was all very exciting as the Pennsylvania Stealers battled the Florida Bishops and best of all, the great singer and heterosexual rights activist Bruce Springsteen rocked the stadium:

That's why they call him the Boss.  But the real highlight of the game was the first public performance from Jennifer Hudson following her horrific family tragedy. She sang "The Star Spangled Banner" and got me ready to love America again: 

Aside from that, I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials but too bad about the creepy, homophobic ESPN ad with Shaquille O'Neal.  In my book, no one named "Shaquille" has any business being a homophobe.  It's too pointless to get upset about, however — not during my nerdgasm over the new movie trailers for "Star Trek," "Transformers 2" or even "GI Joe," which looks terrible, except for featuring the ever-brilliant Christopher Eccleston as the bad guy:

I could listen to that man's voice all day, kind of like Michael Phelps with his bong. It was pathetic watching the poor guy have to grovel before the world press this weekend, just because he inhaled at a party. All of you who earned eight Olympic gold medals at the age of 23, bitch away; the rest of you can shut the hell up.

And that's about the heterosexual guy news we have this holiday season. There is, unfortunately, one last guy to mention:  it's Groundhog Day and if released-too-soon murderer Ryan Cran sees his shadow today, it'll mean six more weeks of gaybashing murder.  But here's the good news, ladies — he's single!!

And finally, actress/writer/Princess Leia Carrie Fisher now has a blog!  (I had to leave that till the end so you'd stick around!)  From tales of her Paris-Hilton-crashing "Milk" party to Boba Fett staring at her vagina, Fisher should've been made a gay icon long, long ago.  Now go check it out, before Ryan Cran finds us!