3 min

He’s the panic

Andrew Andrew Andrew's up to no good

SHOCKS, ROCKS, PUNCHESAND SLAMS. Andrew Andrew Andrew's spastic sexual rhythm will capture you-and you may even see him cum. Credit: Tj Ngan

Michael Venus: Tell me who you are and what have you been up too?

Andrew Andrew Andrew: My name is Andrew Andrew Andrew AKA The Panic. Over the last six months, I have been working at Kawabata-Ya vintage clothing, promoting for Shine, dreaming of a beautiful tomorrow, and doing miscellaneous street dance shit.

MV: Tell me about the club nights you are involved in and the ones you put on?

AAA: I help promote for White Lies, Dirty and Nowhere Fast. White Lies is the hottest/baddest ’80s night ever. Dirty is the darkest, sexiest electro night in Vancouver. Nowhere Fast is the sickest, most wicked rippin’ rock n’ roll/R&B/anything goes party to ever hit anything everywhere-no pretence, just sick sickness. I have also been promoting the Bodywork series. I just did the first one with Willow Foot at Milk. They are events based more around an attitude than a specific style of dance. If it shocks, rocks, punches, or slams you, it’s wicked enough to be in Bodywork. I got the idea from performing in the airband competitions at Shine during their White Lies night, and from a local dance group called All You Can Eat. I got the actual name from Willow Foot, who, by the way, is the hottest dancer in the city. She’s even better than me, if that’s saying anything.

MV: Describe your expressive dancing.

AAA: My dancing is like the hunted street kid in the ring with the hottest babette-flicking, caressing, sweating, bopping and lunging to the greatest gnarliest songs.

MV: You really like to test people and boundaries with your dancing and aggressive behaviour. What is all that about?

AAA: I like testing people’s patience. I like it when people are uncomfortable, but impressed at the same time. I like it when people think something they would normally find disgusting is too funny to keep acting too-cool-for-school. I like it when the asshole jock guy has to laugh because his girlfriend and all her girlfriends are laughing. Square people being coerced into having fun; so it’s like getting revenge on those squares.

MV: You also have a tendency to pull out your cock and work it at parties; it is a real ice-breaker. What inspires this primal cry for attention?

AAA: My answer to this question is pretty much the same as what I said above. It breaks the ice or it makes people angry; either way, I’m happy. I hate geeks.

MV: What (other than being hyperactive and having attention deficit disorder) was your childhood like?

AAA: I watched shit loads of TV because we had satellite. I loved anything Disney (east and west respectively). I watched a full-length porn when I was five or six, with my babysitter. I loved every second of it.

The first records I really got down to were Boney M’s Nightlight to Venus, Stars on 45 and Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA.

MV: What was baby Andrew The Panic like?

AAA: A bit fatter than most infants.

MV: Who are your inspirations?

AAA: Michael Jackson, my cousin and my dad (both sociopaths), my ex-girlfriend, my best friends (most current: M21), and Sylvia Plath.

MV: What is your favourite kind of sex?

AAA: Sex in pretty much every way is good as long as I am attracted to my partner and it’s not the fuckin’ same every time.

MV: What is the wildest thing you have ever done?

AAA: I finger banged a female cop after getting a warning for huffing gas. It could have been a threesome, but the guy cop was all tired from chasing me through Guildford mall.

MV: What can we expect in the future from you?

AAA: More dancing, a dance musical, a Dexedrine overdose, a shitty rainy Vancouver funeral, and a 50 cent raise.

MV: Why do you love the PumpJack?

AAA: The pool tables, stall number two and the margarita drink specials.

MV: Have you ever dabbled with your poo?

AAA: I actually have an independent video available on where I play an amorous, yet explosively flatulent gentleman/lover. It’s really great. Ciao, Mary!