Dear Dr Ren:
I’m a gay man in my 40s and six months ago I met a guy I might want to make a life with. I’ve had a few relationships in the past that haven’t worked out, so I am trying to be cautious, but this one feels right on many levels. I admire this guy and like his circle of friends. We have similar interests and incomes.
There is one problem, though. His cum tastes awful! At first I thought I could get over this, but now I find myself avoiding oral sex with him. I don’t know how to bring this up in conversation. It’s not food, because it happens even when we’ve spent the whole weekend together.
I really like this guy, but I can see this becoming a real problem as time goes on. What could cause this? How can I either learn to adjust or, better yet, fix him without hurting his feelings by mentioning this out loud?
Sensitive Taste Buds
Don’t be so sure that food is not causing the taste you dislike.
There are many culprits and you may be particularly sensitive to how his body processes them. Though you may dislike the taste of his ejaculate, another person might actually like it. It is similar to how people prefer different flavours of ice cream, scents or types of beer.
Meat, aside from the breakdown required in digestion, is filled with hormones and preservatives that add to the bitter taste of spunk. Mom was not thinking of your sweet tasting jism when she encouraged you to eat your vegetables, especially spinach and asparagus.
Junk food — hard on all body systems — taints semen, too. See what happens after you feed your lover fruits such as pineapple and melon, known to sweeten the taste.
You may be correct that food doesn’t cause his unpleasant taste. Smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and using drugs all make your jism taste sour. Cocaine especially produces very acrid-tasting ejaculate.
Hard liquor makes it taste worse than beer, and wine also has an embittering effect. Even soft drugs like marijuana can affect the taste of your cum. And taste tests will spot coffee drinkers every time.
Consider a health reason. Ejaculate is composed of water, sperm, prostatic fluids, small amounts of hormones and sugars. These fluids — like any body fluids — can acquire smells or tastes depending on diet (food again) and the function of key body organs like kidneys and liver. Those fluids will taste good or bad depending on how well these organs are functioning. Changes in blood sugar as in diabetes could affect the composition and taste of ejaculate, as could infections in the urethra, prostate or bladder.
Pharmaceuticals such as some antibiotics or other drugs processed through the kidneys rather than the liver could well embitter the taste of cum, as could any drug that leaves a metallic taste in the mouth, like the popular sleeping pill Zopiclone.
So you see, Buds, your man’s skunky spunk could have many origins. Regardless, what you have is a man you like but a taste you dislike. How can you reconcile this situation?
There are a number of ways you can manage the issue:
Because smell can influence a person’s taste perception, it might be better to blow him after a shower.
If you feel awkward suggesting condom use during oral sex after all this time without one, propose it as play and use fluorescent and flavoured condoms.
You could simply not swallow — the less tongue exposure, the less taste.
Once your lover comes, simply let the fluid flow back over his dick as you moan and stroke with appreciation. Have a glass of something by the bed for afterwards.
You can try a casual comment: “That wine and asparagus at dinner will make our cum taste bitter. Let’s drink pineapple juice before sex to counteract it."
Buds, what seems to me far more seminal (pun intended) to this problem than the taste of your man’s semen is the fact that you are not discussing it.
You tell me you “might want to make a life” with him, yet you are still bashful in his presence. If you are to be successful in forming a meaningful relationship, you must move past this synthetic etiquette and into a more truthful and intimate level of communicating. What holds you back?
You mention admiration, interests and incomes, and that you like his friends. You do not refer to laughter, common values, or shared goals. I am not challenging you, but suggesting that after spending six months you might have developed the comfort level to talk with him about a problem in your lovemaking.
Conversely, after six months you two should still be wrapped in limerence (new relationship energy) and not yet anticipating your futures. Take your time determining whether you have a relationship that can tolerate your taking some risks.
This topic may be an ideal place to start. Chances are you will find you can afford to express yourself more openly than you thought. Bonus, eh?