Vancouver
3 min

Homophobic reverend Pat Robertson knows his gay sex

The 700 Club’s Pat Robertson is truly an enlightened being.

It must be all that gay porn he’s watching. Or is he speaking from experience when he says, “When you see what [gay people] do, it’s not very pretty”?

You’re right, Pattie, sex isn’t supposed to be pretty, just hot. They don’t call it bumpin’ uglies for nothing! 

Sounds like Pat might have some firsthand knowledge of gay sex, considering his advice to someone who wrote in to his show about sleeping with a transsexual.

“Before I met my wife, I fell in love with a beautiful woman and had a relationship for six months,” a viewer named Brandon wrote. “We broke up after she told me she was transsexual. I later moved to a different town and restarted my life. I kept this secret from my family, but now I feel guilty that there are parts of my life that I keep hidden from my wife. What should I do?”

“What you should do is keep your mouth shut,” Robertson replied. “That’s real simple. You know, all of us did stuff before we were married, but you don’t parade out all your girlfriends or your boyfriends or your sexual encounters or whatever you did. You just don’t do it.”

“All of us did stuff before we were married” sounds like an admission to me. I’m just going to come out and say it: Pat Robertson is a tranny fucker! Pat Robertson is a tranny fucker!

And here I was all this time thinking he had absolutely no redeeming qualities . . .