You might have heard by now, but the 2015 Junos were a great excuse to put the TV on mute and call your mom for a good old catch-up. The show was a big snoozer. Thankfully, the red carpet at Hamilton’s FirstOntario Centre was a different story. While we can’t tell you about most of the people who appeared on the red catwalk (mostly because we actually have no idea who most of these people are), we can talk to you about the hot-as-hell Mountie who stood guard during the procession of mystery Canadian celebrities. Let’s take a look at his various poses and emotions.
Here he is with Alanis Morissette. Just look at his bold side stance and intense stare off in the distance. Even in the presence of Alanis’s massive smile!
Here he is with “underboob” Lights. Just look at his smile starting to crack. It’s mostly off to one side, and looks like it hurts . . . but can you imagine when he eventually reveals that full grin? We would all melt, that’s what would happen.
Kiesza knows how to stand next to our favourite officer: politely stepping off. Look at his side profile. And that jaw line? He should have won a Juno for that jawline.
And now a straight on shot of the Mountie’s jawline. Just look at the shape and the angles. The strength, and the way it frames his strong, handsome face. He’s posing with cute-as-a-button Shawn Mendes. Wish we could tell you who he is. Just make it up in your head for now, it’s a lot of fun.
Finally, our first look at how the Mountie about to kick the shit out of someone for touching him. Look at the sly face and barrelled chest. Back off Jacob Hoggard — who hosted this year’s awards — ’cause this perfect piece of Canadian man is about to tackle you to the ground (for the record, he can tackle us to the ground anyday).
Our final photo shows just how short the Mountie actually is. The Arkells aren’t the tallest men either, so our beefcake en rouge is about 5’7 at most. Perfect height for kissing? Yes. This photo also displays his posture and the girth of his body. All on point, in check and dreamy. We want to sit across from him and watch him eat a hamburger while he tells stories about gliding through the woods with huskies and taking off his uniform in front of a roaring fire afterwards.
Thank you Junos for giving us this Mountie.