2 min

I am not a Wal-Mart greeter!

See if you can follow this logic:
1) criminal laws against homosexuality in 80 countries around the world are leading to state-sanctioned murder
2) France leads the European Union in drafting a UN resolution to decriminalize homosexuality worldwide
3) the Vatican opposes the life-saving measure because it will lead to….gay marriage.

If you ever need to know why your average homo rails about religion, there it is in a nutshell. Me, I'm getting pretty fed up with being treated like a greeter at Wal-Mart: "Hey, sorry we trampled you to death, fag, but our children need cheap Playstations! Don't you believe in the sanctity of marriage??"

But it's not like any of the arguments against us ever make sense: in Vancouver, a man was gay-bashed for singing Christmas carols! One "fa la la" too many, apparently.

In other leaps of logic, Stephen Harper is now waging a PR battle against the progressive coalition government that only formed in the first place because he thought he was Caesar (it's not like he's got an economy to fix or anything). It's a crazy week for Canadian politics and the CBC is already working on a TV movie:

(spare me the emails — I'm a writer, not a Photoshopper!)

STOP THE PRESSES: Homosexuality study number 129,394,393 reveals that being gay is not a choice!  Seriously, aren't we done with this yet?

Fans and critics alike are enjoying the new Britney Spears album — hooray!  Since I hate to kick a girl when she's down, I'm thrilled that she's topping the charts and I can make fun of her again!

Ted Rogers, founder and CEO of the cable monopoly, died yesterday at 75. This means he should receive his last Rogers bill in July 2010.

And finally, a personal plea: please don't rent or buy the new 'X-Files' movie out on DVD this week. It's not 1997 anymore and the new movie is both disappointingly tedious and weirdly homophobic. Apparently, the only thing scarier than a worldwide conspiracy to hide the truth of an alien invasion is two guys from Russia who get married in Massachusetts and start harvesting human organs. Actually, that is pretty creepy. Never mind — rent it and make up your own mind: