30 min

I’m sorry, right-wingers

To any and all religious conservatives who might be reading this (oh, who am I kidding?  It's a gay blog — of course they're reading it!  They're obsessed with us!):

I've been picking on you for quite some time, hoping to marginalize your hateful rhetoric towards the gay community, but today I see that I should cut you some slack. 

You're hurting.  I see that now.  All the cool kids at school are turning against you and even the ice-cream makers are mocking your faith:

Yes, that is some sexy, sexy mocking right there…

What?  Right…where was I?  Oh yes…my apology!  You see, I understand now how hurt you must feel at losing the culture war you declared on us — even Marie Osmond has gone skipping over the salt plains of sin:

You've even lost the hearts and minds of straight guys in Iowa.  Seriously!  Straight guys in Iowa are on our side — oh, the burning:

So yes, maybe I'll try to leave you alone for a while. It's what I've always said, after all — if you stop screaming about the gays, the gays will stop screaming about you.  Do I sound like I'm gloating at your pain?  Only because your pain is entirely self-inflicted and besides, this?  THIS is gloating (NSFW gloating, even!):

The kids are alright!