Toronto Diary
1 min

Is Ellen DeGeneres the most offensive comedienne ever?

You know what One Million Moms needs? A copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Sure, the book is essentially garbage, but bored suburban mothers love it, and god knows, these numerically challenged nimrods could use a hobby.

And it would keep me from having to pay these hopeless douchebags attention. Apparently, they’re still pissed off that Ellen DeGeneres exists and are calling her new JC Penney commercial “offensive.” Yes, really.

Since April, JC Penney’s has not aired Ellen DeGeneres in one of their commercials until now. A new JCP ad features Ellen and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again. Christians must now vote with their wallets. We have contacted JC Penney’s several times in the past with our concerns, and they will not listen. They have decided to ignore our complaints so we will avoid them at all costs. [SOURCE

No, I can’t imagine why they’d ignore your insane complaint either. For the record, here’s the commercial in question:

HOLY JESUS FUCKNUTS, THEY WERE RIGHT. That was more offensive than an entire season of Family Guy combined. Or, like, any episode of Two Broke Girls. Take your pick.

But in all seriousness, are these people serious? Ellen DeGeneres is the most inoffensive comedienne ever. Polkaroo is more hardcore than Ellen DeGeneres. I honestly can’t think of a single objective bad thing I can say about Ellen, because god help me, she’s a total sweetheart and probably the most G-rated person out there. If the idea of a funny, charming lesbian celebrating Christmas blows your mind, then you may want to lay off the mental gymnastics. I’m sure both your brain cells must be just exhausted by now. 

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