Toronto Diary
1 min

It’s a sexy Santa-off!

We’re coming down to the crunch time, people. (That’s a thing they say in football, right? Crunch time?) There are only two weeks left until Christmas, which means you have two weeks to find the perfect gift to take all the way home to your mother in Montreal, who upon seeing it, will immediately tell you she doesn’t like it and force you to lug it all the way back to Toronto so that you can exchange it for store credit, and for shit’s sake, it’s an ice cream machine! WHAT PART OF YOUR SOUL HAS TO DIE SO THAT YOU DON’T LIKE ICE CREAM?!

Sorry for the tangent. The bitch is getting cash this year. She can get her own fucking present.

Anyway, in honour of the season, it’s about time we objectify that beloved ideal of selfless giving that we call Santa Claus by pitting together two recent sexy incarnations of everyone’s favourite morbidly obese home invader.

First up is this one of Zeb Atlas, which I initially mistook as a small mountain covered in red felt. For some reason, five separate people decided to change their profile pictures to this, which apparently means Zeb has five doppelgangers and I’m friends with all of them. Sooooooooo . . . yay, I guess.

The second features double the Santa but about half the sexy per capita. These two Santas come from a recent bit on The Colbert Report where Stephen compared loving Christmas to loving dude sex. Unfortunately, I can’t embed a clip here because international copyright law yadda yadda yadda Americans won’t share their TV with us. The closest I got was this screengrab from the Comedy Network’s site, so I guess that’ll do.


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