Toronto Diary
2 min

It’s the Toronto Pride Parade Awards!

Well, sorta. We here at Xtra decided to honour the best and the brightest of Toronto’s Pride parade today. I’m not gonna lie: this was all done on a whim, so the use of the term “award” here is looser than Michele Bachmann’s asshole in a room full of people who can help her political career. That being said, if any of the “winners” really wants, I can probably MacGyver together a couple loose trinkets with some duct tape and send them as a trophy, which they can feign surprise over while thanking God/The Academy/The Little People.

Guys Who Got Me the Wettest

The guys were standing directly behind me the whole time. Thanks for the cool-down, boys!   

Highest Point

Toronto Seed Exchange

A Float Is Not a House Is Not a Home-iest

These poor, roofless people

Biggest Fruit

This banana

Tracy Turnblad-iest

Miss Conception (with an assist by Richard Ryder)

Best Beyoncé (with a side of Halleloo!)

Sofonda Cox

Hat I Want the Most

This hat

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-iest (because I already did: he’s straight)

Alex. TEASE!

Most Vaguely Oprah-ish Logo

Shaun Proulx (Oproulx?!)

Man, Did Rob Ford Lose Weight-iest?

Nah, just kidding, he’s still a fat-ass.

The “Oh, Myyyyyyyyy” Award for best use of Takei

These guys

My Littlest Pony

The guy pulling Aliya Jasmine in a rickshaw

Cutest Puppy

This human

The “Wait, When Did Shakespeare Write THIS?!” Award

No, seriously, is this Titus Andronicus or something?

And finally, the “WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?!” Award goes to…

Jack Layton! You so slick, you! 

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