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John Travolta is a cheap john

The National Enquirer — you know, the legitimate press — has a new cover story claiming that everyone’s favourite closet case John Travolta hired a masseur off Craigslist and tried to pay him $200 an hour to do a little more than shiatsu. The only thing I find shocking about this story is that John the john is so cheap he’s only rolling out two bills. No self-respecting hooker would touch his Grease lightning for such a measly amount when he could sell the story to a trash rag and make so much cash the only happy endings that’ll be on his radar for the rest of the year are in fairy tales.

The whore masseur supposedly passed a lie-detector test about his rendezvous with John at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

"He tried to pay me for sex,” he told the Enquirer. “It was very clear that John Travolta wanted me to perform a sexual act on him and that he would pay me to do it.”

He also claims John asked him if he’d be interested in a threesome, which he declined. Mostly because he was worried about getting dirt under his fingernails while digging up L Ron Hubbard’s grave.

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