Toronto Diary
9 min

Just put the fucking turkey in the oven

So last Thanksgiving, my mother decided she wanted to try a turkey recipe she found in a newspaper because it promised to be “THE BEST!” So she spent the better part of five hours with her boyfriend brushing butter over a cheeseclothed turkey. No one at the table dared tell her that turkey didn’t really taste any different than the ones she usually made.

So here’s Tante Marie with the honest truth: turkey always tastes exactly the same no matter how you make it. Unless you deep-fry it, in which case it will taste like third-degree burns and property damage. But let’s face it: turkey’s good, but it’s never anyone’s favourite part of Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner. So just put it in the fucking oven, try not to set it on fire, and pour wine into your guests’ faces until they forget they’re dead inside. That’s how we Irish Catholics do it!

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